Grapefruits, the Adventure 5: Total Divas!
by AlKaholiK
Summary: Ok, this is it, I'm FINALLY able to do it-the last chapter! The new WWE Women's tag champs are revealed-along with a few other, um...things. Hope you all enjoyed!
1. The Mission

Disclaimer: For YEARS now, I haven't owned shit. And guess what? I STILL don't.

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_**A/N-Aaaaahhhhhh…it feels good to be BACK! Hell, even if it IS on a part-time basis. Now, before anyone reminds me—I know that the LAST adventure was supposed to be the lastONE, but, just like on my profile, I said that I was done writing— well, I lied about THIS, too. I hope you don't mind. It's been 2 years since I last posted anything here, and I honestly haven't watched a RAW or SmackDown taping in at least 4 years, but thanks to Yahoo, I was able to do a quick "catch up" on current WWE events and stars. So, that being said, I'd like to continue the lineage that is the "Adventure" series. Only THIS time, it'll be all divas! Why? Glad you asked—it's because it's the first "adventure" USING all divas and, second, it's because 'da' DIVAS are kinda' cool, and lately I've been watching that show "Total Divas" and I don't think it's half-bad, actually. Just so you know, this story will only be LOOSELY based on the TV show. My plot WON'T coincide with theirs-well, MAYBE once or twice. And, I won't have ALL the same characters, either. So, for those who have read and were fans of the other 4 adventures, you guys already know how this works. So, here we go!**_

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><p>In Hershey, PA, at the Giant Center, Vince is in his office sweating profusely. Once again, he overdosed on Cialis and now has a RAGING hard-on that's making his pants tight and uncomfortable; And it's also making him irritable—even more so than usual. He races over to his desk and buzzes his secretary, "Miss secretary, could you call in some of my DIVAS?"<p>

The secretary replies, "Uh, is this for your traditional beer and porn run, sir?"

Vince answers, "Uh, yes it is."

The secretary asks, "Well, wouldn't you rather I call some superstars? I mean, Kane and Rey Mysterio are right around the corner doing tequila shots.

Vince forcefully says, "No! If I WANTED those knuckle-heads, I would've ASKED for them! Now CALL some of my divas!"

"Uh, ye-YES, Mr. McMahon! Right away!"

As the Secretary is calling the divas, HHH enters Vince's office.

HHH asks, "Hey pops, how's everything?"

Vince glares at HHH, hurriedly sitting down behind his desk and fearing that HHH will spot his "condition", answers, "DAMMIT Hunter! Don't you know how to KNOCK?"

HHH shrugs his shoulders innocently and says, "Geez, take it easy, man! I was just checking on ya'.

Vince sighs and says, "I'm sorry, Hunter. What do you want? I'm very busy right now.

HHH carefully asks, "Well, I was thinking, ummm…MAYBE—just MAYBE—I can have your permission to buy some…uh, beer and porn?"

Vince glares up at Hunter and answers, "Are you KIDDING me? You're married to my little PRINCESS! How DARE you EVER want to get that crap! It-it warps and poisons your MIND. You start to lose sight of what's REAL and what's sexually FAKE-get outta' here with that crap!"

HHH, with a bewildered expression on his face, asks, "But haven't you been doing that for YEARS, now?" I mean—years ago, you said you have 'grapefruits', well, why can't I have…'GAMEfruits'?"

Vince now can't think of anything else to come back with, "We-well…umm, that's because, well-I-I…you know what? NEVERMIND! "

There's silence in the room, now. A few moments pass and Vince suddenly smiles wide and says, "You know what, Hunter? Maybe I CAN help you out, AFTER all."

"Sure, whaddya' need, pops?"

Vince, STILL not standing up, simply rubs his hands together and says, "Hmm…what's going on between you and Stephanie?"

HHH sighs and rolls his eyes, "UGH, pop. This woman does NOTHING but EAT! We don't even have SEX anymore! At FIRST, things started out innocently enough. I mean, in the beginning, I used to let her take her potato chips and BBQ spare ribs to bed with her, but THEN, one thing led to another and instead of licking the BBQ sauce off of ME, she just started disregarding ME altogether and there'd be a fuckin' MOUNTAIN of food in our bed when I'd go to get ready for bed!"

Vince chuckles to himself a little.

Hunter asks, "What's so damn FUNNY?"

Vince shakes his head and answers, "You're just learning, son. But that's one of the TRADEMARKS of McMahon women! It's either peeing in the bed or EATING in the bed!—Hell, either way, you're fucked!"

Vince continued, "MY wife's issue is PEEING the bed. I'm thinking this may be a family issue, in fact. You see, Linda's MOTHER used to pee AND eat in the bed. Yeah, they start out just fine, no eating, only peeing in RESTROOMS, but after…Oh, I'd say about 5 years of marriage, they start to 'fall apart', so to say—sort of like and old Ford. Matter of fact, In MY case, it started out a lot sooner-Back when I was in college, I'd go over her house and her family would usually be in the middle of a rousing game of "guess that smell'—I don't even want to MENTION what her daddy used to have a habit of doing, but HE'D always be trying to get me to pull his finger!"

HHH smirks as Vince continues, "Let's just say that that family reunion back in 1994 when I had to share a room with his ass—let's just say that when I SHOULD'VE been waking up to the smell of FRIED eggs, I woke up to the smell of BOILED eggs—let's just leave it at THAT!"

HHH nods in amazement. Vince says, "Yeah, so kid—YOU'RE stuck with her, now! She's no longer eating US out of house and home! Best of luck with those food bills, HAHAHAAAA!"

HHH blinked twice, just thinking about what he wound up getting himself into—even after all these years of marriage. Hunter finally says, "Uh…you wanted me for something?

Vince smirks and says, "Since I'm passing the reigns to you eventually, I want YOU to tell the Divas to get me my beer and porn."

HHH, confused, asks, "But didn't you just say that it was wrong—"

Vince snaps and pounds his desk as HHH jumps a little, "NEVERMIND what I just said, just DO IT! I want to get my beer and porn through YOU—vicariously. Now, they should be on their way, so go meet them in the lobby!

HHH looks at Vince and sighs, shaking his head as he leaves Vince's office.

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><p>About 20 minutes later, HHH is sitting in his office checking his cellphone, "Damn, where are these bitches AT?"<p>

Just then, the divas start pouring into HHH's office—one after the other.

After a few minutes, they all arrive. HHH stands up and says, "Okay ladies, you've been called here because Vince wants all of you to get him some porn and beer. I hope you all are up for this. "

In the room are the Bellas, Natalia, the Funkadactyls, Tamina, AJ, Aksana and JoJo.

The ladies all smile because they've all heard of the legendary beer and porn run and they know that, historically, the winners tend to carry great favor with Vince. So, they all nod and agree to be up for it.

Natalia asks, "Hey Hunter, does the winner head Raw or SmackDown like always?"

HHH raises an eyebrow and answers, "Well, not THIS time, I'm afraid."

JoJo rolls her eyes and asks, "Well he needs to get that shit himself, I have a taping tonight."

HHH shakes his head and says, "No, no, sweetheart—Vince is reinstating a title for the winners of this contest.

AJ asks, "What? The HARDCORE title?

Tamina says, "No, I'll bet it's the European title!"

Natalia disagrees, "No, I'll bet it's the women's title, right Hunter?"

HHH smirks and nods, "Well, Natalya, you're very warm on that one. But it's not the women's title. No, ladies, this is one of the lesser-known LEGENDARY titles that was retired back in 1988, in fact."

The ladies let out a collective gasp as HHH continues, "Ladies, the winners of this contest will be the new…"

HHH gets up and pulls a black and purple velour covering from over an ivory stand, revealing the prize.

He smiles and says, "Yep, for the first time in 26 years, two lucky ladies will become the WWE Women's tag-team title holders!—the belts will be defended on both RAW and Smackdown!"

The ladies all smile and "ooooh" and "ahhhh" at the potential honor of becoming the first to usher in a new generation of women's tag-team wrestling.

HHH smile and says, "Well ladies, he wants a case of Heineken and a magazine called_ 'Anal Asians—'dey ruv u rong time'_. And he wants this stuff from a particular…uhh…shop in Philadelphia, called_ 'Tom's takin' it up the ass' Tabernacle'_ and he wants this shit by tonight, too. "

Hunter checks his cellphone and mentions, " Okaaaay, right now, it's…uhhh…7 am, better get started!"

After that, the ladies all scurry out to the parking lot to get to their vehicles.

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**A/N-Ok, this is the end of chapter 1. I just hope I'm not too rusty with this.**

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><p>So, who will pair off with who? Will Vince get his stuff before his lack of flaccidity dominates his trousers to the point that they rip? Will Steph finish her ham, seductively sucking the meat off the bone, while her stomach hangs out of the bottom of her tattered and stained '"Austin 3:16" t-shirt and HHH watches while touching himself inappropriately?, will Linda pee in the bed instead of the toilet again?, or will Mister McMahon have to once AGAIN suffer the agony of rolling around in a puddle of cold piss on his bed?, therefore causing him to have his mattress replaced for the 9th TIME this month?<p>

These and all other questions will be answered next time—same Warrior time, same Warrior place, same Warrior channel!


	2. How are they getting There?

**Welcome back, readers! I KNEW you'd return to me! Ok, moving on, the girls have all assembled themselves in the front parking lot of the Giant Center (Hershey, PA—remember). They're discussing amongst themselves who will team up with whom and whose car they'll take…**

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><p>Brie turns to Nikki and gestures over to their car, which is a Wedding cake sitting on top of a bootleg pregnancy test-the wheels on the pregnancy test are part of the…um…vehicle. There's a pedal sticking out of the bottom "layer" of the cake that, when you step on it, the top "tier" of the cake opens and you have to climb the side of the cake like it's a steel cage in order to climb inside. Nikki motions to Brie and carefully says, "After you, sis."<p>

Brie answers, "Ah, much obliged, Nikki, let's rock n' ROLL, girl! Oh, and I'm glad your 'condition' didn't kick in—good JOB, girl!"

Proud of herself, Nikki smiles and climbs in and decides to warm the car up—as it is a nice, balmy 12 degrees outside, now and all the girls are wearing is their wrestling gear. (C'mon, you KNOW I ALWAYS have the wrestlers in their wrestling gear—this is the 5th one of these, you should know that by now. Ok, moving on…)

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><p>Meanwhile, in another section, we have the Funkadactyls!<p>

Naomi says, "Ok girrrrrl. We gittin' back together for THIS trip ONLY! Don't let me catch yo' ass in my RING!"

Cameron rolls her eyes and flicks her hair, "Pssshh! PLEEEASE girrrrrl! You ain't GOT nuttin' I can't HANDLE, honey chiiiiild!"

Naomi sighs and just says, "Look, I ain't got TIME for you, just climb in.

Naomi's car is a gigantic black ass—with a sewn-on hair weave covering the "car entrance"…with wheels on the bottom of where the "thighs" would begin. There's a "pimple" on it that acts as an opener. She presses the "pimple" and the cheeks spread open so that Cameron can climb in between.

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><p>So, as the, admittedly TEMPORARY, reunion of the funkadactyls take place and they're warming up their car, we come to Jo-Jo, who can't seem to even FIND her car…<p>

Natalya notices JoJo looking around and asks, "See? What'd I tell you about GETTING that thing in the FIRST place" I TOLD you that you wouldn't be able to FIND it after you park it!

JoJo answered, "Look, are you just gonna'STAND there, or are you going to help me FIND this thing, or not?

Natalya rolls her eyes and answers, duuuuh…what about the 'panic' button on your keyfob, dummy?

JoJo giggles to herself momentarily and then says, "Ohhhh, that's right-and YOU'RE the dummy…dummy!"

Natalya closes her eyes and shakes her head as JoJo clicks the "panic" button and her horn beeps twice. The girls approach the car and JoJo turns to Natalya and asks, "Hey, since you helped me find my car, how'd you like to ride to Philly with me to get MrMcmahon's stuff and we can beat it on back here and make some history as the first women's tag champs in 26 years?!"

Natalya looks over at JoJo's car skeptically and then back at JoJo as if she were out of her mind. She says, "Jo, if you expect me to ride in THAT thing with you, you're out of your tree! I mean, honestly!"

JoJo looks at her car, which appears to be a regular empty space in a parking lot—**_(she's driving a 2014 Ford Nothing—I gave her that car because I couldn't think of anything that I feel would REALLY represent her. I have to thank a reviewer named "Sonar" for reminding me to brush up on my research, as, admittedly, it WAS kind of half-assed. But, anyway, back to the story._**

JoJo pleads, "Oh, come on Natalya—it'll be REALLY COOL if we take MY car! I mean, when we drive, to other people, it'll look like were sitting down floating on air—I have the world's first see-through car, you know!"

Nat furrows her brow and shakes her head, YES, I KNOW—ever since you BOUGHT that damn thing, you've only TOLD half the fuckin' ROSTER! And you're lucky no one tried to park in this space when we were inside! Your precious little car would've been CRUSHED! We'll take MY car!"

JoJo whines, "Nooooo…not YOUR car!"

Slightly offended, Nat asks, "Hey, whaddya' mean by THAT? My car runs just fine!"

Jo mutters to herself,_ "Yeah, but it's slow as HELL"_

Natalya smiles and says, "Ah come on, we can beat those other girls, now hurry and get in!

Natalya's car is parked a couple spaces over from JoJo's. Nat's car is a genie lamp sitting on a title belt replica she stole from some kid-er, I mean, BROUGHT from ShopZone-yeah, that's it. Natalya looks at the belt and shakes her head as a tear comes to her eye.

She mumbles to herself,_ "Ahhh…someday…someday…"_

JoJo rolls her eyes and mumbles to herself, _"Hm…knowing Natty's track record, I'll bet we finish SECOND."_

Natalya looks over all of a sudden and asks, "Hm, did you say something, Jo?"

Jo raises her eyebrows innocently and replies, "No…no I didn't. You must be hearing things, Nat."

Natalya nods and says, "Yeah, I think this job is starting to stress me out a little. C'mon, let's get in."

So the girls both rub the genie lamp 3 times, then they turn into a purple sparkly mist that flows into the spout-end of the lamp. _Oh, that's also how they get out of the lamp-either they can rub the lamp 3 times from the inside, or anybody can rub the lamp from the outside and they'll flow right back out-that's the downside to owning this vehicle, folks. Natty's biggest complaint is little kids rubbing her lamp when she's stopped at a redlight or a stop sign, she winds up "misting" out of the lamp and the kids are always asking her for 3 wishes. She always yells back, "Get out of here, you little shits! I ain't GOT no wishes!"_ **_And here _**_I_**_ thought she was good with kids, too. Hm...oh well_**-Anywho, once inside, they turn back into their regular selves and let the car warm a little.

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><p>At the same time, just a few spaces over, we have AJ lee and Tamina, whose car is a giant 1984 Chevrolet old-school-style video game joystick controller—with a leopard-patterned headband around the top of the joystick. They've already started their car and they're letting it warm.<p>

Suddenly, Tamina sees something off to the side…

Tamina says, "Hmm, I didn't know Linda was here!"

AJ looks over and asks, "Damn, I didn't, either! Mr. McMahon better hope she doesn't find out about this, here."

You see, the girls know it's Linda because thry know hwe car—it's a 2013 Audi Droplet of Pee suspended in air over a pair of Depends…with wheels. Formally, It's called the Audi Trickle.

Tamina shakes her head and asks, "Remember when she was showing that thing over there off to us?

AJ sighs and answers, "Yeah, t'is a shame. She actually pulled ME ASIDE and TOLD me how it works! She said that the little droplet of piss hanging up there is the 'steering wheel'...like, EWW!"

Tamina laughs and says, "Yeah, I know, right?"

AJ lets the car run a couple more moments and looks over and spots something else. She gently nudges Tamina and they both look at each other and start laughing. Tamina just smirks and says, "Ha…figures. It appears Steph is here, too."

AJ smiles and says, "Yeah, it's not LIKE you can't TELL, or anything—her car's a big-assed HAM sandwich! And she always…and I mean ALWAYS parks it beside Triple H's Car…cars-es…or, whatever."

Tamina answers, "Well, they ARE married. But if there were EVER two other people more deserving of one another, I haven't met them! Look at Triple H's…MESS sitting over there! Damn SHAME what some people do as soon as they come into money."

AJ agrees, "Yeah, he just HAD to have two limos stacked on top of each other. He's been going around saying that he's going to ADD another limo to the top."

Tamina asks, "What the fuck—are you SERIOUS? hahaha! ANOTHER limo stacked on top—Daaaaaaayum, that's three limos!"

AJ says, "Ya' know what else?"

"No, what?"

"That fool says that the bottom limo will be controlled by the top limo and he also said not to ask him HOW or WHY, either."

Tamina smiles and says, "Yeah, I think Our COO needs some professional HELP."

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><p>Yet, meanwhile…finally, we come to Aksana…<p>

Aksana is in her car and it's already warming up as she's on the phone…

"…No, I no know WHY no one will ride with a-meeee."

_Incoherent chatter on the phone…_

"No, NO, I already TELL you—she no like meeee I Don't knowwww-I guess I just dumb and . 'Dey-dey say I always smell like GARLIC, and_ *sniff-sniff*_ I no SMELL any garlic! I wash body in SOAP every live long day!"

Just then, Aksana hears a loud screeching sound, like someone was racing through the parking lot. She looks out of her window and says, "Hold on, I think I know car! Let me call back,Let me call back-I think I may have PARTNER!"

Aksana smiles and clicks off her phone. It WAS a car speeding through the parking lot—a car she was VERY familiar with. The car slid sideways, screeching, and stopped right in front of her car. The top opened and the driver beckoned Aksana to come inside!

Aksana couldn't believe her luck. She said, "Oh I can't BELIEVE luck today!" (GOD, I love doing that, lol!)

Aksana jumped out of HER car, which is a giant bottle of Grecian hair dye...yep, WITH wheels, and ran toward the awaiting car—with KHARMA asking her to hurry and come inside!

With a voice that resembles Cookie Monster from _"Sesame Street"_, Karma beckons, "HURRY, HURRY AKSANA! ME WANT JOB BACK! THIS BE KHARMA BIG CHANCE! KHARMA KNOW ABOUT GRAPEFRUIT ADVENTURE, MISTER MCMAHON, HIM WANT BEER, HIM WANT PORN! ME WANT COOKIE-COOKIE!COOKIE! COOKIE! COOKIE! "

Kharma opens the door and Aksana somersaults inside. She and Kharma hug each other and Aksana tells her what's going on with this mission and everything. Kharma then zooms out of the parking lot toward the highway. Oh yeah, Kharma's car is a refrigerator lying down on its side between two slices of bread...with wheels. It looks sort of like a refrigerator sandwich or something.

So, with all that said and done, our ladies all leave toward the closest highway, looking for the toll road that leads to Philadelphia.

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><p>So, what'll happen next? Who'll make it to Philly first? What exactly IS Nikki's "condition"? Does Linda have to wash her hands after leaving her car? Has Stephanie ever tried to eat HER car? Is the Funkadactyls' car actually the inspiration for their name? Will JoJo's new Ford Nothing be safe where it's parked? YIKES! Finally, where does Kharma keep the damn bologna and mayonnaise? These and any other questions will be answered next time—same Warrior time, same Warrior place, same Warrior channel!<p> 


	3. Breakfast and Lessons in English

_**A/N—Thanks to all who read and reviewed this story so far. You all are great people. Ok, here we go with even MORE of this…stuff, here. **_

Last we left off, we found out the girls' respective cars to take them to and from Philly on a timely basis. The show starts this evening at 5, so the ladies don't have much time to get to and from. The only good thing is that Philly isn't that far from Hershey, well, according to Google maps, anyway. Since THAT'S the case, you KNOW we have to join up with AJ and Tamina, as they've just pulled onto route 72…

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><p>AJ, just now thinking about it, asks, "Hey, did you see who got in that one chick's car?"<p>

Tamina asks, "What chick?"

"You know, that ONE girl—um…um, whatsherface?"

Tamina shakes her head in bewilderment and AJ starts to get a bit impatient, "YOU know—the girl that-that always asks, _'When I gonna' get title match?'_—you know, the one with that weird, fucked-up accent?

Tamina remembers and smiles broadly, she answers, "OHHHH, yeah, NOW I know who you're talking about—it's that one chick no one likes to wrestle because she always smells like shawarma, right?"

AJ laughs and says, "Hahaha…YEAH, her!"

Tamina asks, "Why are you concerned?"

AJ rolls her eyes and replies, "Well, it's only because she has like a fucking FAST car, and I'm just hoping that, whoever's riding WITH her, that they DIDN'T take HER car—if they did, we just may be fucked, Tamina."

Tamina glances at AJ with a concerned expression and nods her head. She says, "Hmm, I think I see what you mean. Her car MAY be a bottle of Grecian hair dye, but that fucker is FAST, girl!"

Suddenly, AJ's stomach makes a "gurgling" sound.

Tamina curls her upper lip in slight disgust and looks over at AJ. She asks, "I KNOW that wasn't you—WAS it?"

Embarrassed, Aj looks over at Tamina and says, "Uh, my fault—I forgot to EAT this morning—I'm fuckin' HUNGRY, Tamina!"

Tamina sighs and says, "Oh, I don't BELIEVE this shit! You mean to tell me we have to stop OFF somewhere for your hungry ass?"

Aj looks at Tamina and sarcastically replies, "Yea, we DO, because my ASS is just STARVING!"

Tamina calmly says, "AJ, don't get pumpslammed in this vehicle today."

AJ waves her off and says, "OOH—there's food at this exit coming up! Let's stop real quick, pleeeeeeaaase?

Tamina pounds the steering wheel and says, "OKAY then, we'll STOP! Just don't start that whining shit today."

AJ smiles and bounces up and down and clapping her hands like a little girl, singing, "YAAAAAAAAY! I'm gonna get some paaaaaaancakes, I'm gonna' get some paaaaaaancakes! Oh, I LOVE you, Tamina!"

Tamina just rolls her eyes, shaking her head as they drive along.

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><p>Meanwhile, out of another exit from the parking lot, we find the Funkadactyls, as they've pulled out onto ANOTHER highway…<p>

Naomi says, "Giiiiirrrrl, I'm hungrier than a MUG!"

Cameron answers, "Giirrrrrrl, I HEAR yo' ass!"

Naomi loudly asks, "Hey, maybe we can stop up here at 'dis one food stop comin' up?

Cameron loudly says, "OOH GIIIRRRRRL, 'DEY HAVE A DENNY'S!"

Naomi, equally as loud, smiles and replies, "OH 'DAT'S MY SHIT, GIIIIRRRRRL! 'DEY BETTER HAVE COLLARD GREENS AN' NECKBONES WIT' SOME HOT SAUCE!"

Ameron nods and says, "HM, I HEEEEEAAAAAARRRRRRRRD THAT, GIIIIRRRRL!" I NEEDS MA' CHICKEN WINGS, N'DEM' SHITS BETTER HAVE SOME HOT SAUCE, OKAAAY?!"

So the two girls high-five each other and drive on toward the next exit.

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><p>Ok, let's see how JoJo and Natalia are doing…<p>

Natalia asks, "Hey Jo, you hungry? I brought something I made last night—Tyson RAVED about it!"

JoJo's eyes open wide in the hopes that it wouldn't be another helping of "Hart Dynasty Surprise". JoJo carefully asks, "Uh…what-what…uh, is it, Natty?"

Natalia giggles, "Hmhmhm…you have to GUESS!"

JoJo, who's wincing and just trying to have a little hope, answers, "Uh…I dunno…chicken?"Nat's still smiling, "Nope, guess again!"

"Uh…steak?"

"Nope, guess again"

JoJo smiles and says, "Um…tell me or I'll KILL you!"

Nat smiles and says, "TADAAAAAAA! It's Hart Dynasty SURPRIIIIISE!"

JoJo's smile turns into a slight frown. Feigning enthusiasm, she said, "Oh…greeeaaaaat-Hart Dynasty surprise, yaaaaaaay."

Natalya, not picking up on the fake excitement, happily answers, "Yep, and there's plenty to go around, too!"

JoJo was trying to forget the LAST time she had Hart Dynasty surprise as it ran through her system like a tornado through a trailer park. Howver, she also remembered the bullshit she told Natty at the company picnic—the bowl was empty because everyone dumped their helping in the garbage and JoJo, in a moment of weakness, felt some sympathy for Nat and asked her if she had any more of the stuff. She figured that, since the bowl was empty, Nat would think that she MEANT the compliment. But JoJo never figured she'd EVER see "Hart Dynasty Surprise"again.

Natalya adds, "See? You ARE lucky for teaming up with me, aren't you?"

JoJo sarcastically answers, "Nope, not too many people are as lucky as I am!"

Smiling, Natalya recalls, "Last night, when my hubby ate this, he was SOOOO excited and pleased with the taste that he got up from the table and ran to the bathroom! At first I was concerned because he was gone for a few minutes, but when he came back, he said that my food was so good that he felt SELFISH just keeping it all to himself and that he felt the need to share some of it with the toilet!' Ahhh…JoJo, there's nothing like a husband that supports you, I'll TELL ya'!"

JoJo hesitantly takes the lid off the container this concoction is in. She looked down at the creamy-looking mixture of what appeared to be melted Velveeta, heavy cream, broccoli—she wasn't sure but it LOOKED like brown sugar was in there—she saw some apple, some cantaloupe, some green bell pepper, and what LOOKED to be diced ham—though it was a little brownish-pink. The sauce looked sort of separated due to the juice from the apples and the cantaloupes. She looks at Natalya with an uncertain expression on her face.

Placing her hand gently on JoJo's shoulder, Natalya smiles innocently and calmly says , "Oh, it always separates like that—just stir it up and dig in!"

JoJo grimaces and smells the food and tries her BEST to keep her eyes from rolling in the back of her head. Once again, She fakes enthusiasm and says, "Oh…wow, Natalya—you made…so MUCH! It smells so GOOD, too!"

Natalya smiles and says, "I wanted to make sure that we didn't run out and, since you seemed to like it so much during the last WWE company picnic, I bought plenty just. For. You!"

Natalya was glancing back and forth between the road and JoJo—watching her take a bite to see how she liked it.

JoJo thinks quickly and says, "Oh…uh, Nat—I can't eat this."

Natalya asks, "Well, why not, hon?"

JoJo hurriedly replies, "I-I…uh…I have no spoon!" Jo smiles quickly and Natalya smiles back and says, "Well, you really ARE lucky today! I happen to have one on me! Nat reaches in her tights and pulls out a spork.

Nat says, "Sorry, I'm out of spoons, but this spork should do the rick!"

Jo Jo smiles and rolls her eyes a little., mildly laughing to herself. Natalya nods and says, "Don't be shy, go for it! It's GOOD!

JoJo raises her eyebrows as she digs in hesitantly. When she puts the spork down in, she could HEAR the creaminess and it grosses her out a little because it sounds like someone with a case of dry-mouth trying to give a lecture or someone stirring macaroni and cheese, or something. She put the food in her mouth and her face contorts into a half-smile/half –grimace while looking at Natalya, who's simply just smiling back.

Natalya asks, "It's GOOD, just like at the company picnic, right Jo?"

Still with a half-grimace, JoJo nods and says, "Mmmmm…num-num. She dry-heaves slightly, but Nat doesn't notice."

Natalya smiles and says, "Oh, I'm so glad you and my hubby like this! I think I'm going to make it my SIGNATURE dish!"

JoJo, nodding and fighting the urge to vomit, replies, "Great, he's a lucky man."

Natalya then sees a road sign for a gas station up ahead. She says, "Hm, I'd better fill up at this next rest area coming up, then.

JoJo sees an opportunity to pitch the food , her mood brightens up, and she hurriedly agrees, Um, uh…YES—filling up would be AWESOME!"

Nat replies, "You're the best partner, ever, JoJo! Let's go."

* * *

><p>Ok, let's join up with Aksana and Kharma, who have just pulled into a gas station…<p>

Aksana, "Are you filling up car?"

Kharma (who, again, sounds a lot like cookie monster, replies, "YES, KHARMA FILL UP 'DE TANK. KHARMA NO RUN OUT OF GAS!"

Aksana furrows her brow and asks, "Kharma, now that you aren't wrestling, what you do for living?"

Kharma smiles and answers, "ME ENGLISH TRANSLATOR! KHARMA TEACH PEOPLE TO SPEAK ENGLISH RIGHT."

Aksana nods and asks, "Well, couold you help ME out? When I cash check at bank, I feel like I getting cheated out of money because my accent."

Kharma says, "OK, KHARMA HELP YOU., KHARMA HELP YOU! NOW—REPEAT AFTER KHARMA—SHE SELL SEASHELL BY DE' SEA-SHORE!"

Aksana tries her best, "Ok, here goes—'She sellsea shells by the sea-shore!', how's THAT?"

Kharma shakes her head and says, "NO, NO—IT'S 'SHE SELLS SEA SHELLS BY **DE'** SEA-SHORE!' YOU MUST SAY LIKE KHARMA!"

Aksana tries again, THIS time in a Cookie Monster-ish type of voice, "OK—'SHE SELLS SEA SHELLS BY DE' SEA-SHORE!"

Kharma smiles and replies, "PERFECT, YOU REPEATED AFTER KHARMA! I TEACH YOU MORE LATER. NOW, KHARMA MUST PUMP GAS! YOU WAIT IN CAR, ME GO GET COOKIE!"

* * *

><p>Alright, alright—let's leave them be and join up with the Bella twins, who are also at a gas station filling up…<p>

Brie turns to Nikki and shakes her head.

Nikki asks, "What's wrong, sis?

Brie rolls her eyes and shakes her head. She mumbles to herself, "_No, I swore that I wouldn't get into this, but…_"

Nikki asks, "Brie, please tell me what's wrong!"

Brie looks at her sister and sighs, "You know I still resent John—I don't care HOW good of a man you convince me he IS—I'll NEVER like him OR respect him!"

Nikki sighs and says, "Look, I have to live with my condition—you can't protect me from everything! John IS a good man! I WANT to marry him and have his babies!"

Brie slaps the dashboard and says in frustration, "Brie, he GAVE you a VD! That idiot gave you linerhyme-itis! Doesn't that spell anything OUT for you?"

Brie replies, "Sis, I KNOW he gave me this. And YES, he IS responsible for the condition that I have, but I LOVE him, don't you SEE that?"

The car/wedding cake/whatever goes quiet momentarily. Suddenly Nikki starts daydreaming and a baseball cap is suddenly growing out of the top of her head— and it's turned SIDEWAYS!. Brie notices and remembers what the doctor said- that whenever Nikki does this, her "condition" is starting to kick in.

Brie says, "Oh shit, she's about to start again—

Nikki turns to Brie and says, "Hey sis, you know I have this disease, that's why I like cooking macaroni and cheese!"

Brie sighs and says, "Oh,fuck meeeee…not THIS again! c'mon, Snap out of it, sis!"

Nikki answers, "Yo, I hope we win this contest. When you're trying to eat your food outside in the summer, bees are such pests!"

Brie feels that ready-to-cry feeling brewing inside of her as Nikki continues, "What's up my NIZZLE? Today t's going to be cloudy, with a 50-percent chance of drizzle!"

A few moments later, Nikki starts to snap out of her trance. She blinks her eyes and feels the top of her head. She asks, "What just happened? Where did this baseball cap come from? "

Brie is speechless as Nikki looks down and notices that BASKETBALL SHOES have ACTUALLY started to grow over the top of her wrestling boots!

Brie notices and says, "Oh no-it looks like your condition is nearing its advanced stages!"

With tears in her eyes, Nikki asks, "What—what do you MEAN?!"

Brie answers and says, "The doctor told me that, when you catch this particular venereal disease, it tends to advance rapidly! And these symptoms you're having—they're right in line with "LineRhyme-itis! The disease starts by you rhyming your lines—the first line makes sense and the second part is usually bullshit. As the disease spreads, parts of your body get overgrown with hip-hop accessories!"

Nikki asks, "WHAAAAAT?!"

Brie says, "Yeah, the doctor told me that he's had a FEW patients with 40-inch gold chains growing out of their necks, as well as FUbU t-shirts growing out of their CHESTS, spare cellphones with separate phone numbers that their matesdon't know about, even illegitimate KIDS grow out from the penises of some of the GUY victims! Not to mention—your tastes in men and/or women change DRMATICALLY!

Nikki asks, "Oh no, my-my taste in MEN will change?"

Brie answers, it COULD—I mean, for guys, they usually wind up liking fat, white girls with a bunch of kids and low self-esteem, and for women—they usually wind up liking broke black guys who are sexually lazy."

Brie looks in the passenger-side mirror with a dejected look on her face, HER eyes beginning to tear up, as well.

Nikki somberly says, "I can't believe John GAVE me this…this…DISEASE! So, you're saying that everyone I have sexual contact with is put at risk for catching this disease from…ME?"

Brie notes, "I'm afraid so, honey. Let's pump this gas so we can finish this thing first. We'll talk about this later, okay?

Nikki nods and just stares out of the passenger side window _**(YES, it's a wedding cake with WINDOWS, OK?"**_

* * *

><p>For further insight into the disease NOW known as "linerhyme-itis", read Grapefruits, the Adventure 2-John Cena has it REALLY bad, lol! So anyway, we'll leave them be for now and I'm closing this out for today. I'm tired of typing. Thanks for reading, please review!<p> 


	4. Burning Issues and New Acquaintances

_**A/N-Welcome back, fuckers! I see you're still reading this, huh? Some people just NEVER learn, I'll tell ya'! Anywho, the ladies have all briefly stopped for either breakfast or to pump gas, while one lucky lass had some "Hart Dynasty Surprise"! As Rachael Ray would say, "YUM-O!" But, we're going to move on with thing, here.**_

* * *

><p>So, let's get this shit started and join up with The Funkadactyls as they've just pulled up into a rest stop…<p>

.

Naomi furrows her brow in a slight anger. She looks around and DOESN'T SEE A DENNY'S RESTAURANT! She sees a crowd of kids running around a woman in a white robe. Hmm…

Naomi nudges Cameron, who just got out of the ass-car. As always, she loudly asks, "WHATTHEHELL IZ' AWWW-**DIS?**!"

Cameron loudly answers, "**OWW**-KNOW! AIN'T DEY **S'POSED** TO BE A DENNY'S UP IN HERE, CHIIIILD?"

Naomi can hear some faint yelling over where the kids are. She also sees a car almost IDENTICAL to HERS, except, it's a giant WHITE ass—with PINK pimples, and a giant bible sticking out of the back end of it.

Her and Cameron turn and look at each other and then back at the commotion. They see a dark-haired lady in a white robe trying to get the kids to behave. The lady is tiredly saying, "Kids, kids, KIIIIIIDS  
>! Get back on the bus! Our lord doesn't like kids who are baaaaad!"<p>

Regardless, the kids keep running around what looks like it USED to be a Denny's at some point, but is now apparently a generic diner of some sort.

And, Cameron and Naomi can JUUUUST hear the lady mumble, "…And neither do _**I**_! I have to remember to fuckin' KILL deacon Russell for sticking me with these l'il monsters when we get back to that bullshit bible camp! Oh Lord, please forgive my ass—um, I mean—Please forgive me!""

Cameron raises her eyebrows and asks, "OOOH, GIIIIIRL, DID **YOU** HEAR **THAT** SHIT?"

Naomi answers, "CHIIIIIILLLLLD…I Sho' **DID**!"

Cameron squints a little, trying to recognize this woman. She smiles a little as she thinks she recognizes her. She nudges Naomi and asks, "HAY GIRRRRRL, YOU KNOW WHO 'DAT **IS**? NAH, GO 'HEAD—LOOK REEAAAL CLOSE."

Naomi leans forward to get a better look and smiles, saying, "SHEEEEIIIIIT! I **KNOW** 'DAT AIN'T WHO I **THINKS** IT IS!"

This time, the girls' normal voices can be heard over the din of all the kids running around the place. The lady in the white robe looks over and notices them. She then approaches and says, "HEEEY…don't I know you two from somewhere?"

Cameron answers, "YEAH, YOU PROLLY SEEN US ON WWE! WE USED TO BE CALLED THE FUNKADACTYLS, NOW WE SINGLES PEOPLES!"

The lady smiles and says, "I KNEW I seen you two somewhere! Hey, I'm Nora Greenwald!"

Naomi excitedly points and says, "OOH-OOH, DI'N 'DEY CALL YOU 'MOLLY HOLLY'?"

The lady smiles and nods, saying, "Yes they did."

Cameron asks, "WELL, WHA'CHU DOIN' HERE?"

Nora closes her eyes and answers, "Ugh…I got duped into taking these kids on a field trip for a bible camp I'm volunteering for. My husband's church runs it."

Naomi asks, "OOH…I AIN'T KNOW YOU WENT TO CHURCH. WHAT'S THE NAME OF YO' CHURCH, NORA?"

Nora answers, "It's called the 'International House of Prayer'."

Cameron and Naomi look at each other and then back at Nora and just bust out laughing. Nora furrows her brow and asks, "I'm sorry, but what's so funny?"

Naomi answers, SAY YO' CHURCH'S NAME AGAIN—AND THEN SAY TO YO'SELF WHAT EACH WORD IN DA' TITLE BEGIN WIT'."

Nora thinks to herself and shakes her head. She suddenly realizes something and covers her mouth in slight embarrassment. She says, "Oh, my heavens! International …House… of…Prayer—wait! My- My church is called…**IHOP**?

Nora's face flushes pinkish-red as Cameron pats her on the back and says, "OH IT'S OK, GIIIRRRRL! WE GOT YO' BACK! AS A MATTER OF FACT, I HAVE AN IDEA…GIIIIIIRRRRRL!"

Nora looks at the both of them and tilts her head out of curiosity, raising an eyebrow. She asks, "Well, what's your idea?"

Naomi answers, "WE'RE ON THIS RETARDED-ASSED TRIP FOR MISTER MCMAHON—"

Nora nods, saying, "-Ahhh…the beer and porn run, right?"

Cameron asks, "YOU WELCOME TO COME ALONG IF YOU WANT. "

Nora strokes her chin and asks, "Hmm…do the winners get to be GMs of RAW like always?"

Cameron replies, "NOPE, HE AIN'T DOING THAT 'DIS TIME. UM-UM, 'D WINNERS IS GONNA' BE 'DA FIRST WOMEN'S TAG TEAM CHAMPS IN 26** YURS**.

With a confused expression on her face, Nora asks, "Um…Cameron, is it? Um…what's a '**YUR**'?"

Cameron sighs and says, "YOU KNOW—A YUUUR…OH WAIT, MY BAD—IT'S CALLED A '**YEAR**'."

Nora smiles and nods, Ohhh, NOW I understand! You know, my father always SAID that you people always seem to talk so loudly and funny! Oh…father's **so** wise!"

Cameron and Naomi both look at each other, awestruck and disgusted by what Nora just said. Cameron asks, "OH **HELL** NO! WHA'CHU **MEAN** 'YOU PEOPLE'?"

Cameron started to lunge at Nora but Naomi held her back. Naomi said, "GIIIIRRRRL…INSTEAD OF TAKIN' IT 'DERE, WHY NOT JUST TEAM UP WITH HER? THREE HEADS _**IS**_ BETTER THAN TWO!"

Nora, oblivious to how potentially offensive her comment was, innocently and softly offered, "Hey girls, how about we take MY car? Yours should be safe here!"

Cameron retorted, "GIIIIRRRRL PLEASE! OWW-KNOW **WHAT** 'DEM KIDS IS GONNA' DO TO MY CAR! WE TAKIN' **MA'** CAR! C'MON YOU TWO, LET'S KEEP IT MOVIN'!"

Nora thinks for a moment and agrees, "Hm…it's not like it actually MY car, anyway—it belongs to the church. Besides, I've always wanted to see how a **black** ass handles when you're riding it! I normally have to ride that…piece of crap WHITE ass sitting over there because my church just doesn't have the funds to PAY for a car like you guys'."

The Funkadactyls look at each other and snicker to themselves because of Nora's innocence in making that statement she just made."

Cameron says, "A'IGHT—NORA, YOU GO 'HEAD AND CLIMB IN!"

Just before entering, Nora turns around and says, "Please, just call me 'Molly'."

Naomi says, "HM…COO'. OH WAIT, WHAT ABOUT 'DEM KIDS?"

Molly looks over at the kids and just shrugs her shoulders. She simply says, "Oh, it's ok. God will protect and keep them." Molly turns toward the kids and waves her right arm in a cross-formation.

She pauses for a minute then says, "Meh, they'll live."

So, with the press of the "pimple", the "cheeks" part/doors open and all three climb inside.

* * *

><p><strong>Okay, now that THAT'S done with, you KNOW we have to visit AJ and Tamina , who appear to be STUCK at a rest stop!<strong>

Tamina's walking over to the restroom area to see what's taking AJ so long. She leans up to the door and all she can hear is a bunch of farting. To her, the farting just sounded like someone with pursed lips trying REALLY hard not to laugh at something. She curls her upper lip in disgust and hears a loud "zooming" noise coming from the highway. She turns and sees a Genie lamp sitting on top of a championship belt zooming by and immediately knows it's Natalya.

Tamina pounds on the door and yells, "COME ONNN, AREN'T YOU DONE YET? I JUST SAW NATALYA PASS US!

She can hear AJ answer faintly, "NOOO…I'M NOT…UGH…DONE YET! DAMMIT!

Tamina sighs in frustration. She yells, "SEE? THAT'S WHAT YOUR ASS **GETS** FOR EATING ALL THAT CHEESE! HONESTLY, WHO THE **FUCK** EATS 3 PACKS OF JALAPENO CHEESE IN ONE SITTING? HUH? i MEAN, REALLY, WHO **DOES** THAT? **NOW** YOU'RE FUCKING **CONSTIPATED** AND WE'RE PROLLY IN LAST FUCKING PLACE **BECAUSE** OF IT!"

Tamina waits a few more moments and sees what looks like a refrigerator sandwich pass by on the highway. She sees the person on the passenger side and sees that it's Aksana! But she's in what looked to be Kharma's car! She then kicks the bathroom door and yells, "OH GREAT, **NOW** AKSANA'S PASSED US—AND IT LOOKS LIKE SHE MET UP WITH KHARMA, SOMEWHERE!"

AJ somberly answers, "AAGGGH, it...it BUUUUURNS! OWWWWWW-OOOOH! IT FEELS LIKE SOMEONE'S DROPPING LIT** MATCHES** OUT OF MY ASS, OR SOMETHING!"

Moments later, Tamina hears some whimpering and sniffling, as if AJ's crying. Tamina shakes her head, lifting her arms, letting them fall at her sides, and mumbles to herself, "Shit…I don't believe THIS—THIS bitch is CRYING in the damn BATHROOM!"

Tamina, feeling a little sorry for AJ asks, "AJ? AJ? YOU ALRIGHT IN THERE, HON? "

She gets no answer, only a bunch of whimpering.

Tamina remembers that she always keeps a pack of laxatives in her purse—especially for when she's invited to Natalya's house for Hart Dynasty Surprise—the last time she had it, it stopped her up worse than a freeway with an accident on it during rush hour traffic. She SWORE to herself that, from that point forward, she'd ALWAYS keep a pack on her in case of an emergency.

So Tamina runs to the car and hurriedly gets her purse. She dumps the contents all over the front seats and finds the laxatives. She runs back over to the bathrooms and leans against the door.

She sighs and then asks, "UM...AJ, SWEETIE, DO YOU NEED ME TO COME IN AND GIVE YOU THESE LAXATIVES?"

It's silent for a few seconds before AJ finally answers, half-crying, "UU-UHM…WHAT FLAVOR ARE THEY?"

Tamina is about at the end of her rope and she starts to go **off**, "HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU WORRY ABOUT THE **FLAVOR** AT A TIME LIKE THIS? IF NOTHING ELSE, AT **LEAST** TRY ROCKING BACK AND FORTH!"

AJ apparently hears this and sadly replies, "*s_niff*_…Why are you _**yelling**_? _*sniff-sniff*_ I-I can't HELP it!"

Tamina rolls her eyes and sighs to herself, trying to mentally calm down. She laughs to herself, not BELIEVING that this is ACTUALLY happening. Then, after a few seconds, she calmly, but loudly replies, "THEY'RE THE CHOCOLATE-FLAVORED ONES. YOU **KNOW** HOW YOU LOVE **CHOCOLATE**!"

Once again, there's silence for a few moments before AJ answers, "WHAT BRAND IS IT?"

Tamina throws the laxatives on the ground in frustration and walks over to the car and starts repeatedly kicking the back tire.

She yells, "GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! WHY MEEEEEEEEEEEEE?!"

* * *

><p>Ok, we'll let them work on that unfortunate situation and now we'll join up with the Bellas, who are stopped at a gas station. Brie has just finished pumping the gas as the gas pump trigger is just starting to "click", indicating a full tank…<p>

Brie says to herself, "Ah, that should do the trick! We'll be able to win this, no problem!"

Meanwhile, Nikki is in the store purchasing some Starburst candies and a bag of the hot pork rinds for Brie. Suddenly, she slips into one of her "episodes" and she approaches the counter. The clerk sees her baseball cap tilted to the side and NOW she has a 30-inch gold chain starting to grow around her neck. The clerk also notices a pair of sunglasses starting to grow over Nikki's eyes and a .9 mm pistol growing in her left hand!

The elderly clerk is immediately frightened by this and immediately raises her hands up in the air _(and she waves 'em like she just don't care!—lol, j/k)_

Anyway, the frightened clerk says, "PREESE NO SHOOT, ONRY 30 DOLLA' IN LEGISTER! I NO _**KNOW**_ COMBINATION TO SAFE! PREESE, I HAVE FAM'RY!"

Nikki, panicking, replies, "Lady, what are you talking about? I like my pork mixed with sauerkraut!"

The lady at the counter still stood there in the surrendering position. Nikki finally notices the gun that is growing out of her hand and her eyes also grow big as she was shocked to actually SEE this, herself, for the first time! And, for SOME reason, the sunglasses growing over her eyes don't affect her vision any.

Nikki tries putting her candy and her pork rinds on the counter, but the inconsolable counter lady insisted, "PREESE, JUST TAKE 'DEM—I NO WANT TO DIE!"

Just at that moment, Brie was making her way inside the store. She IMMEDIATELY saw what was happening and ran and snatched her sister out of the store. She quickly ran back inn and took both the candy AND the pork rinds and threw $5 on the counter before running out of the store.

She asked Nikki, "Nikki, it looks like you're having another episode! You scared the SHIT out of that lady in there!"

Nikki shrugged and replied, "Yo, I was just tryin' to get some Starburst an' some SKINS, all along the highway, I just see restaurants and inns!

Brie, knowing full well that she's stuck hearing her sister slip in and out of rhythm for this trip, just rolls her eyes and mutters, "Aww fuuuuuuuuuuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK! It's bad enough that JOHN does this, but NOW it's my own…sister."

She sighs to herself and says, "Ok, let's go, hon."

Nikki nods and agrees, "Yeah, we need to be on our WAY! Do you think that Jamie Foxx is gay?"

* * *

><p>Alright, alright…I'm gonna' cut it off here, tonight because …well…because I want to. Oh, Aksana and Kharma are doing just fine. As you read earlier in this chapter, they passed Tamina and AJ. However, while they were passing them, Kharma was giving Aksana another English "lesson". Oh, and Natalya and JoJo are doing fine, too. However, JoJo had to take a dump REALLY badly, due to eating some of that "Hart Dynasty Surprise" and her and Natalya wound up stopped at a hotel up the road a piece. Natalya had to give Jo her handkerchief AND help her out of the stall because as long as she was in that bathroom, her legs wound up going numb and she was in that bathroom SWEATING as if she were doing P90-X exercises. <strong>(AN-I just felt you all needed to know that little factoid. Lol, what can I say? I like details.)**

* * *

><p>Thanks for reading and join me again next time—same Warrior time, same Warrior place, and same Warrior channel!<p> 


	5. A Thick Accent and a Time to Make Up

**Ok, we're back yet AGAIN! Last we left off, the girls had some breakfast and some…uh…OTHER issues. But, of course, we'll now join up with Aksana and Kharma, as they're just entering the toll area just before the toll road on the way to Philly…**

* * *

><p>Aksana asks—in her newly-acquired "Cookie Monster" voice that Kharma is teaching her to speak in, Does Kharma have change to go on turnpike?"<p>

Kharma smiles and answers, of course, in HER REGULAR Cookie monster-type voice _(Oh YOU should get it by now, geez)_, "YES, KHARMA HAVE CHANGE, KHARMA KEEP IT UNDER FROZEN VEGGIES! REACH UP IN FREEZER!, REACH UP IN FREEZER!

Aksana does so and hands the change to Kharma as they move up in line.

They pull up next to the toll booth and get ready to hand the lady their money. The lady shakes her head and explains that they only pay AFTER they take their exit from off of the turnpike. She prints out a ticket and shows them how to read the ticket…

Kharma asks the lady, "SO, WE TAKE THIS EXIT HERE AND KHARMA HAS TO PAY?"

The lady sighs and answers, "NO, YOUR exit is HERE!" She points to the name of the city listed on the back of the ticket.

Aksana asks, "So, we get Philly beer and porn HERE?"

A couple of frustrating minutes pass and the toll clerk is starting to lose her cool a bit. She says, "NO, you IDIOTS! You are to look for a sign that says "Phil-A-DELLLLPHIAAAAA! GOT that?"

Just then, a car horn can be heard in back of them. Aksana sticks her head out of the window and yells back—of COURSE, in her "Cookie Monster" voice, "JUST MINUTE, WE ALMOST THROUGH!"

A couple more moments pass, and the gentleman in the oddly-shaped car in back of them in line starts to get out of his vehicle—which is a Hummer with a miniature SIDE-Hummer attached to the passenger side, where a kid appears to be. The man gets out and approaches Kharma's vehicle. He leans over Aksana's side and asks, "EXCUSE ME, BUT COULD YOU KEEP IT MOVING? I'M IN BIG HURRRRY, I HAVE TO POOP—RRREALLY BADLY!"

Aksana looks at the man and is IMMEDIATELY overcome with joy! She puts her hand to her cheek and nudges Kharma, who is still trying to read the back of the ticket and, by now, OTHER people waiting in line have started honking their horns.

Aksana exclaims, "OH MY GODS! YOURE ARNOLD SCWARTZENEGGER! HEY KHARMA, IT ARNOLD SCHWARTZENEGGER!"

Kharma looks over and smiles, "HEEEEEY, NICE TO SEE ARNOLD OUT OF CLASS!"

Arnold smiles back and replies, YES, in his normal Scandinavian accent, in case you forgot/don't know, "YYYYESS, I AGRRREEE! SO GOOD TO SEE AHNOLD OUTSIDE OF SPEECH CLASS! KHAMA HAS NICE CAR!"

Kharma smiles and answers, "KHARMA THANK ARNOLD FOR NICE COMPLIMENT—ME WANT COOKIE!"

Aksana looks at the both of them and asks, "Wait-you know each other?"

Arnold replies, "YES, THE GOVERNATOR AND KHARMA ARE BOTH SPEECH THERRRAPISTS! VE BOTH TEACH 'DE PEOPLES TO SPEAK 'DE ENGLISH PRRROPERLY AND STRONGLY!

Aksana raises an eyebrow and asks, "Huh? 'STRONGLY'?"

Arnold forcefully answers, "DYAH-GYAHH...I DO EVERY'TING STRRRONGLY!"

Just then, a car horn sounds a few times—and keeps ON sounding. Arnold looks over in the other lane and sees a couple of gay guys making out. Arnold, famous for being conservative, shakes his head and says, "LOOK AT THAT, KHAMA—'DEY-DEY-'DEY MAKING OUT ON TOLL RRRROAD!"

Aksana and Kharma look at the gay couple, the toll booth lady—who's NOW taking a swig of brandy, then back at Arnold, who's getting on his soapbox about what he's seeing.

He says, "EH-EH…'DAT IS JUST WRRRRRONG—VEN I VAS GOVERN-KAISER OF CALIFORNIA, VE DIDN'T ALLOW GAY MARRIAGE! GOD CREATED ADAM AND EVE—NOT-NOT ADAM AND STEPHENFRITZEL!"

Aksana asks, "Uh…'STEPHENFRITZEL'?"

Arnold answers, "Oh—that's German for 'Steve'".

The tollbooth lady is listening to this with her mouth agape, in disbelief that there are literally** three** people RIGHT in front of her, at the SAME time, mind you, who can't seemingly speak a LICK of English.—and ONE of them is a famous, award-winning actor, at THAT!

Khaarma smiles and says, "YES, KHARMA REMEMBER ARNOLD'S POLITICAL PLATFORM! YOU WERE OPPOSED TO 'DE GAY MARRIAGE, RIGHT?!"

Arnold nods and says, "EXACTLY! IT VASN'T POLITICAL—NO, NOOOOO! IT WAS PERSONAL! IT GOES BACK TO MY 'MISTER UNIVERSE' DAYS, IN FACT! YA, YAAAA! ALL OF 'DE BODYBUILDERS—VE'D BE IN 'DE BACK, IN OUR SKIMPY BRRRIEFS AND OILING UP EACH OTHERS' BEAUTIFUL RRRRIPPLING MUSKLES -AND VE'D ALL AGREE THAT GAY SEX IS WRRRRONG!"

Aksana asks, "So, when you were governor, that was stance on subject of gays in society?"

Arnold places a hand on the window pane on Aksana's side and answers, YYYEEEESSSS! FOR EET EES WRRRRITTEN EEEN 'DA BIBLE—MAN SHALL NOT HAVE SEX VIZ OTHER MEN! HE SHALL FIND A VOMAN AND KISS AND GRRROPE THE BUTTOCKS AND FUNBAGS OF ZINE VOMAN!" Then he quickly adds, "—AND HER SEESTER, TOO—eef she's eento it."

* * *

><p><em><strong>Ok, so we'll let them be for now, and move onto Brie and Nikki, as they've found the same toll road, but are in another lane that ALSO happens to be jammed, for some reason…<strong>_

Nikki's condition has started to take control of her body and the .22-caliber gun she as growing out of her hand wasn't going away, neither are her sideways-turned baseball cap, or her throwback Nike basketball shoes, that have NOW replaced her wrestling boots.

Brie sighs and says, "God DAMN, what's the freakin' HOLDUP, here?!"

She honks her horn in frustration, especially since she glances over to another lane and sees Natalya and JoJo inching ahead of them in line.

Nikki shrugs, shaking her head. She points out, "Yo, yo, yoooo….I don't know WHAT the holdup is, all I know is that I like to eat my broccoli topped with Cheese Whiz!"

Brie, exasperated, just looks at her sister and asks, "Nikki, could you PLEASE give it a rest? This rhyming you're doing is making you a bit of a pest!"

Nikki glances over to Brie, smiling proudly. Brie thinks for a second at what she just said and she holds her hand to her mouth, saying, "Oh great—NOW you got ME doing it!"

Nikki looks at Brie apologetically and answers, "Yo Brie, I apologize, and did you know I like eating key lime pies?"

Brie pounds her head on her horn over and over again, as frustration and impatience have REALLY started to set in at this point. However, just up ahead, Brie thinks she sees the source of the mix-up in line.

She squints to get a better look at the situation and sees a blonde-haired woman, with NO car, just seemingly running herself into the tollbooth over and over again and ACTUALLY APLOGIZING TO THE TOLL BOOTH!

She sticks her head out of the window and she hears a faint, "OOPS, I'm sorry, mister tool booth! OOPS, I'm sorry, mister tool booth! OOPS, I'm sorry, mister tool booth!..."

Brie rolls her eyes and says to Nikki, "Do you believe THIS? That's Kelly KELLY's retarded ass up there—running herself into the damn TOLLBOOTH and that ditz is **actually** APOLOGIZING to the tollbooth! UUUURRGH! NO ONE should be THAT fucking STUPID!"

She lays on her horn, yelling, "COME ONNNNNN, YOU DUMB BITCH! WE HAVE SHIT WE GOTTA' DOOOOOO!"

Kelly hears this, apparently, as she looks back and sees who's yelling at her. She smiles and says, I'm sorry, but I just owe this TOLLBOOTH an apology! I keep bumping into it but it just won't get out of my WAY! Everywhere I move, HE moves!"

Nikki raises an eyebrow and says, "Yo, check it—she CAN'T be SERIOUS! When I don't eat nuttin', I gets DELIRIOUS!"

Brie remembers an anti-stress technique she learned in yoga class. She starts rubbing her temples in a circular pattern and going "UUUUUMMMMMMMMMMMMMM—UMMMMMMMMMMMMMMYOU ARE NOT FEELING ANY STREEEEEESSSSSUMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM…"

* * *

><p><em><strong>Ok, now lets go look in on Tamina and AJ, who are pretty much in last place, as Tamina can clearly see their competitors all in different lanes, but STILL ahead of THEM…<strong>_

Tamina looks at AJ with a slight resentment and mentions, "You know, I think we're behind everybody."

AJ says, "Sorry, Tamina—I **know** I'm the reason for this happening and, believe ME, the way my ass is burning right now, I WISH I could've just showed some common SENSE and DIDN'T eat that entire pack of jalapeno cheese."

Tamina remains quiet, still a bit pissed at AJ for her bout with constipation back at that rest stop.

Aj waits a couple moments for Tamina to respond and finally asks, "Tamina, are you gonna' TALK to me, or what? I SAID I was sorry—It's not LIKE I can…fuckin'…un-SHIT the cheese, or something! Please, you HAVE to talk to me!"

Tamina shakes her head and gruffly replies, "Oh, I don't have to do anything but stay Hawaiian and DIE!"

AJ thinks for a couple moments about what could possibly get Tamina to start talking again. She snaps her fingers and smirks a little. She says, "Ok then, I wasn't gonna' even TELL you this, but, uh… I saw Vickie Guerrero in the men's locker room sniffing Fandango's white, cotton, thong-panties.

Tamina raises an eyebrow in curiosity, but still refused to talk to AJ. AJ notices this and keeps on talking, knowing Tamina's affinity for details, "Yeah, she didn't see ME, but I saw HER fat, perverted ass! I saw her open his locker and his white, cotton thongs fell to the floor. She looked around and I ducked behind the doorway. I THEN saw her pick them up and look at them—haha…turns out that Fandango's a nasty fucker, AND, I think he might be **gay**, but just on the down-low about it—when I saw her unfold his drawers, she held them out and I saw all this brown in the back—which, of course, is sadly NORMAL for a grown-ass MAN! But THEN I saw a couple of brown dots in the FRONT!"

AJ looks at Tamina trying to hide her emotion but still grimacing a little, anyway. AJ sees her success in breaking Tamina's silence, and she keeps on, "Think about that—how do you end up with brown DOTS in the FRONT of your drawers? See? I had a feeling Alicia was right about his—hell, even SHE said that he's riding SOMEONE'S pony in that-that…MEN'S lockerroom! She even said she OVERHERD him saying that he 'likes how it leaves his wang a nice, toasty brown!"

Tamina raises an eyebrow and smirks. AJ, realizing success, just smiles. Finally, Tamina says, "Ok, you broke me down, but you HAVE to promise me—NO MORE CHEESE during this trip!"

AJ, just thankful to have Tamina speaking to her again, happily replies, "Truuuuust me, I've LEARNED MY lesson! I mean, my best friend wasn't speaking to me and my fucking BOWELS were backed up worse than the Lincoln tunnel at 3am!"

* * *

><p>Ok, I'll stop it there for now, oh—Natalya and JoJo are just fine, they managed to get their turnpike ticket, eventually. What happened was that Natalya didn't have any money or a credit card on her, and neither did JoJo. Natalya DID remember, however, that she still had some "Hart Dynasty surprise" sitting in the trunk sitting on ice and offered it to the tollbooth person in exchange for entrance onto the turnpike. At first, the tollbooth operator refused, but Natalya wouldn't budge until the operator had some. The operator tasted some and ran out of the tollbooth to throw up in a thicket of trees across the road. While the operator was throwing up, out of eyesight from Natalya and JoJo, Jo suggested that they take this time to hurry up and zoom off—little did she think that the time to pay the operator is ACTUALLY when you LEAVE the turnpike, not when you ENTER. Undoubtedly, it'll be interesting to see how they're able to leave the PA turnpike when time comes. The Funkadactyls and Molly are fine, aswell as they're trying to bring Molly up to speed on dealing with minorities <strong>other<strong> than Gail Kim. _(Long-time wrestling fans will get THAT one, lol!)_

_**A/n—In case you don't know, the "constant "rrrrrr" thing when Arnold is talking is pronounced as a "rolling" R-sound.**_

* * *

><p>Hey, thanks for reading and join me the next time I feel like doing this—same Warrior time, same Warrior place, same Warrior channel!<p> 


	6. Caught in the Act at Last!

**A/N-Ok, we're back again. The girls have each hit the open road—at varying times, of course. So, we'll join up with Vince, back at the Giant center—back in Hershey, remember? However, before we get started-On a personal note- I feel the need to say something. And, I'm going to post it on my profile, too, but I'm sure you've noticed by now, that I LOVE using racial and sexual orientation humor in my stories because, personally, I just feel that racial humor is one of the funniest around and it takes a "REAL" person to laugh at it—everyone's just too damn SENSITIVE, nowadays, anyway. It seems that, as soon as you make fun of the way certain races/nationalities pronounce YOUR native language, (AND YOU **_**KNOW**_** WHO THEY ARE, BE HONEST!) everyone just gets so tight-lipped and they wanna' have fucking MARCHES and anti-whatever movements—people fucking KILL me with that shit. The WORST ones, though, are the ones who try to spend every waking DAY just trying to prove that they're NOT racist—folks, if you have to try and prove it—guess what? You likely ARE a racist, dumbass! Lol Now, in case anyone takes this the wrong way, **_(there's always ONE)_** I'm not racist OR sexist—I just don't feel I have to PROVE it, is all—besides, I do this shit in the name of laughs… Ok—rant over, let's roll…**

* * *

><p>Vince is sat behind his desk surfing porn and suddenly, his office door comes crashing down. He jumps and yells, "AAGH! Linda? What the FUCK?!"<p>

Linda Smirks and enters the room. Vince blinks and asks, "Linda, why—why'd you kick my door down? I mean…really?"

Linda smiles and answers, Oh, it wasn't ME, Vincent."

Vince, already not in the best of moods, simply because he's horny, asks, "Well who the HELL IS it, then?!"

"Ohhh…it's our new pet, darling one."

Vince, confused, asks, "New pet? I never said we could get a new pe—"

Linda cuts him off, "—Uh, no, he's actually MY new pet."

Vince looks toward the doorway Linda's standing in and JUST notices Linda holding a chain-link leash in her hands.

Vince asks, "What the—"

Linda whips the chain and yells, "HYAAAAH!"

Just then, JACKIE FUCKING CHAN walks into the room, at the other end of the leash! He's ass-naked, in nothing but a spiked collar, a leather chastity belt, and a pair of period-red-colored high heels.

Vince points and his eyes widen in shock. He stammers, "WHAT THE—YOU'RE Jackie CHAN! Linda, who the HELL gave you permission to purchase Jackie Chan? Do you know how much that motherfucker COSTS? Put him BACK, NOW!"

Linda simply stands in the doorway, smirking. She asks Jackie, "Oh Jackie, what do we do when our hubby yells at us?"

Jackie points to Vince's cherry-wood desk and chops it in HALF, with one thrust of his arm!

Vince, startled, shoots up from his seat. He can stand, now—since he got scared a bit, his boner sinks like the titanic—only without the violin guys.

Linda calmly asks, "Now, Vince. I want the truth—did you send the divas on a beer and porn run?

Vince starts to get defensive and answer, but Linda cuts him off, "—Uh, before you answer…darling, remember—the truth will set you free, and if you lie, my 'pet' here will set your head free from your neck."

Jackie stares at Vince, points to him and says, "Vince, your days of beer and porn lun are OVER! You are to honor your wife and love her! lemember you ledding vow!"

Vince raises his arms in a peace gesture, however, all the while, he's glaring at Linda. He angrily says, "You think you have me, don't you? Well NO ONE gets the best of Vincent Kennedy McMahon!"

Linda sighs and says, "Look…honey—all I wanted was some SEX last night, and all YOU did was stay up all night, watching porn!"

Vince rebuts, "Well, perhaps maybe if you ASKED me if you could watch it WITH me, things just MIGHT be a bit different! You ever think about THAT, Linda?"

Linda rolls her eyes and answers, "As sure as your name is what it is, you KNOW I'm not into that bullshit!"

Vince looks at Jackie and asks, "SEE? That's the problem tight there! She doesn't wanna' spend any TIME with me!"

Linda answers, "Why is it that every time we get a chance to spend time together, it's always doing something YOU want to do?"

Vince answers, "you wanna' know WHY, Linda? It's because I'm Vince McMahon, dammit! And I OWN this shit—ALL this is MINE!"

Jackie interjects, "Rell' Vince, your wife leally want to spend TIME with you, you should honor her lequest! You should sreep wit' her and make her feel safe!"

Vince, dumbfounded by Jackie's answer, replies, "Are you KIDDING? SLEEP with her? Did you know that we're going on our 9th mattress this MONTH? Huh? Oh-oh…did you know that my body has ACTUALLY gotten USED to frolicking and rolling around in cold PISS? Huh, tough guy? Did you know that I fucking CRY MYSELF TO SLEEP, wanting to KILL myself after we have SEX?"

Linda rubs her nails on her blouse, smirking and shaking her head, while looking at the shine on her manicured nails.

She finally says, "Vince, you haven't answered what I asked you—DID you send the girls out to get you beer and porn?"

Vince looks at Jackie and then at Linda and purses his lips in anger. His eyes widen and he growls, "Yes I DID, Linda! They're gonna' get me what I need—as a MAN! And the winners will be the new Women's tag-team champs—like it or NOT!" He looks at Jackie in disgust and commands, " And YOU—PUT SOME GODDAMN PANTS ON!"

Linda sighs and says, "Vince, I've had enough of this. You know, for YEARS, I've been hearing rumors of you sending the employees out on this 'quest' to get you beer and porn—"

Vince interrupts, "Sometimes it's liquor, dammit!"

Linda continues, "Whatever! Now, I FINALLY **CAUGHT** your ass in the act! And, ya' know what else? It's gonna' be like this—YOU'RE gonna' fuck me—right here on THIS VERY DESK, and after we're done, you WILL come with me to Steph's house, You WILL come shoe-shopping with me, you WILL buy us a new mattress, and you WILL buy me a box of my favorite douche—PEACH PASSION—"

Vince whines, "Nooo…NOT 'Peach Passion'—you KNOW that shit gives me a headache when I smell it!"

Linda shakes her head, "I don't care WHAT it gives you! Oh you WILL eat MY potato salad to-DAY!"

Jackie folds his arms and asks, "It's just as she say, Vince. You RILL eat Rinda potato sarad to-DAY! Would you rike for what happen to door to happen to YOU?"

Vince looks at the both of them in helpless anger. After a few moments, tears start to well up in his eyes. Linda smiles and says, "now…Jackie—clear the desk!"

With one swipe of his arms, Jackie knocks everything off of Vince's desk and it accidentally causes Vince's porn page to be lost! Vince looks at his laptop laying on the floor with a blank screen and screams, "NOOOOOOO! I was in the middle of my internet porno journey! I was…fuckin'…60 clicks IN! The website I was at had naked JAPANESE women squirting TITTY milk on each other and TASTING it, dammit! It was erotic as HELL!"

Linda shrugs and starts unbuttoning her blouse.

Vince backs up a little and continues, "That site was so Asian, that the site address was in THEIR letters. It was, like, THEIR letters, circles, flowers, and a house…dot-COM! Do you know how hard that shit was to GET?"

Linda's eyes narrow a bit and she says, "TAKE me, you animal!"

Vince curls his upper lip and looks at a STILL almost-butt-naked Jackie Chan and then back at Linda. He says, "You two won't get away with this. Mark my WORDS—YOU TWO WON'T GET AWAY WITH THIS!"

Jackie stepped forward and commanded, "Vince, be a MAN—suck your rife TITTY!"

Vince resentfully answers, "Look PAL, I don't HAVE a 'RIFE titty'—why can't you people pronounce it CORRECTLY?"

Vince starts hesitating again and Jackie asks, "What is long, Vince?"

Vince shakes his head, as tears have started to form in his eyes. Linda finishes unbuttoning her blouse and vince discovers that she isn't wearing a bra. Vince inches up toward her chest and dry-heaves at the smell. "Ugh, DAMMIT Linda! Don't you fuckin' WASH those udders you have?"

Linda simply says, "Stop wasting TIME, get started, bucko!"

Vince whines, "But…but the underside of your tits smell like…fuckin…fuckin' MILK carton juice!"

Jackie, tired of Vince wasting time, suddenly pushes Vince's head into his wife's chest and rubbing it in.

Vince is yelling, but it's muffled, Linda grabs a _Time_ magazine from the bookshelf in the meantime and smiles and moans in enjoyment of what Vince is, ahem…doing.

* * *

><p><em><strong>So, we'll let them continue to work out their marital issues for now and , since I don't want this chapter to be ALL Vince and Linda, We'll join up with a Funkadactyls and Molly, as they're talking about some good times they've had over the years. Not to mention, we also appear to have caught them in the middle of a conversation...<strong>_

Cameron and Naomi look at each other and then back at Molly. Cameron asks, "THAT'S COO', BUT…UMMM…WHATTHEFUCK DOES THAT GOT TO DO WITH WHAT **WE** TALKIN' BOUT'?"

NAOMI ASKS, "WHAT?, SO YOU WAS **PLAYIN'** BLACKJACK, OR SOME'FIN?"

Molly replies, "Oh NO!"

Cameron furrows her brow and asks, "WHAT YOU MEAN 'OH-NO'?"

Molly peacefully closes her eyes and smiles. She answers, "No, no, noooo…father used to ALWAYS tell me NOT to call it 'black jack'. HE always said we're to REFER to it as 'african-AMERICAN jack' He said that someone may…what was it that he said?—oh yeah—he said that one of **you** people may 'buss a CAP in my ass'—whatever THAT means. Oh, but father is sooooo wise!"

Naomi and Cameron look at each other and START to get offended but Naomi whispers to Cameron (hell, can YOU believe they ACTUALLY know how to WHISPER?lol), She says, _"Look, we can't get mad at Molly, she just a naïve idiot doin' what her racist daddy __**told**__ her to do, you dig?"_

Cameron nods and whispers back, _"Yeah, we gonna' have to set li'l miss Molly straight. This bitch ain't right."_

* * *

><p><em><strong>Ok, I'm ending it here this time. I have a day off today, but I'm fucking TIRED right now and really can't think of anything else right now, anyway. So, I'll catch you all next time—same Warrior time, same Warrior place, same Warrior channel!<strong>_


	7. Business Conversation and Mating Rituals

_**A/N—Yeah, yeah, I know it's been a while between updates, but remember—I'm not back "full-time", here. So please, forgive me, lol. Anyway, last we left off, Vince was FINALLY caught by Linda! Not to mention, Linda apparently had purchased Jackie Chan! So you ALREADY know, with THAT said…we have to rejoin Tamina and AJ as they're making their way down the PA** turnpike._

* * *

><p>Tamina turns to AJ and says, "GOD, I hope we win this thing, here! "<p>

Aj nods and says, "Yeah, we'd be fuckin' AWESOME as the WWE womens' tag champs!"

Just then, AJ's cellphone starts ringing. The all-too-familiar tone of "Real American" blaring through the air as Tamina snickers a little and says, "Hehehe…'Real AMERICAN'? Hulk HOGAN'S theme song? For REAL, girl?"

Aj shrugs and smiles. She says, "What can I say? I'm a Hulkamaniac till I DIE, dude!"

Tamina smiles, shaking her head a little.

Meanwhile, AJ looks at the phone display and doesn't recognize the number—not to mention, it's an area code that begins with 310—California. She thinks to herself and she knows that normally, when a phone number pops up that you don't recognize, you let it go to voicemail. _"Not THIS girl, hahahahaaaa!_" She thinks to herself.

So, she answers the call. She listens for a brief moment and looks at Tamina with a puzzled expression on her face.

Tamina, now curious, whispers, "What's up, girl?"

_**Hey, let's say WE listen to AJ's call AS WELL AS the thoughts on her mind as she's talking? Yeah—LETS!**_

Aj: Umm…Hello?

**Upset male voice on the other end, which, hereafter will be simply known as "voice":** _Hey ANGELA, what's goin' on?"_

AJ, of course, KNOWS that her name isn't Angela, but she continues anyway…: Uh, hey, what's up with YOU?

**Voice:** _Ah nothing much, hey, I just got an email about the budget! The budget was SUPPOSED to be $15,000, WHY is it only $10,000, now? I'd like to know whatthehell's goin' on!_

AJ's eyes grow bigger as she glances over at Tamina. Tamina's looking back between AJ and the road, with curiosity on her face.

AJ, IMMEDIATELY seeing the potential for some fun, just shrugs and accepts her apparent role. She thinks to herself, _"Ok AJ, FOCUS—You're Angela, there's a budget, it was $15,000, now it's $10,000! And no one's happy about it. Just go with it, go with it!"_

Aj thinks, _"Hm, I don't know much, so hell, I'll just say it back to him."_ Aj: $10,000?, the budget was **supposed** to be 15"

**Voice:** _Yeah, well I just got an email and now it's 10!_

Aj, now TOTALLY playing along: Hey man, I don't know what to tell ya' I'm on the road right now and I-I haven't even SEEN the email."

**Voice:** _Are you BEHIND this? Did YOU send it out?_

AJ thinks to herself, _"wow…giving Angela some attitude, right? I mean, really. Like, there is NO WAY I'm taking that!"_

Aj: Listen bro, the budget was $15,000, we had a couple of expenditures , it went up to 16-2, I re-WORKED it, got it down to 14-7, we had 300 to play with, I called it 15, and sent it out.

**Voice:** _YEAH, WELL NOW IT'S 10!_

Aj's eyes light up and she smiles. She holds her chest in excitement and whispers to herself incredulously, _"Oh my GOD, that WORKED!"_

She thinks to herself, _"Ok, stay focused, staaaay focused! Ok, I can't even ENJOY this—I can't laugh because now I'm in the MIX with this shit, here! I mean I'm LITERALLY IN it—just IN it."_

**Voice:** _Did MELISSA ok this?_

AJ thinks to herself, _"wow…__**now**__ he's throwing MELISSA at me."_

Aj: Ok look, I TOOK it to LMelissa, Melissa said it looked fine. But I knew it was my ass on the line, so I took it to Jen, just in case. She said it looked good, so I sent it out.

**Voice:** _YEAH?, WELL __**NOW**__ IT'S 10!_

AJ thinks to herself, trying to keep from laughing, _"This guy has no IDEA what's going on over there! He hasn't talked to Melissa, he hasn't talked to Jen—hell, I just made HER up! And CLEARLY, he has not spoken to Angela."_

**Voice:** _Listen, what are we gonna' DO about this?_

AJ: Look bro, I'm on the road right now, I haven't seen the email. Why don't you call Melissa, check in with her, see what's going on, and give me a call back?"

AJ raises an eyebrow and glances over at Tamina. She thinks to herself, _"I'm TOTALLY 'throwing the fishing line out', here—PLEASE say 'yes', because that return phone call is going to be AMAZING!"_

**Voice:** _Ok how about this—we wait till YOU get home, you check out the email, you call Melissa, and then you call ME back?_

AJ: No, no, dude…Melissa knows WAY more about this than I do—give her a call and then call me back.

**Voice:** _Ok, then._

He hangs up the phone and AJ clicks the phone off on her end, as well, smiling with such a devilish grin that Tamina can't HELP but be curious about.

AJ is in her seat EXPLODING with euphoria.

Tamina asks, "What was THAT all about?"

AJ replies, "Tamina, there's a small business in California somewhere that's crumbling to the GROUND right now over $5000 that NO one can seem to find! NO one's talked to Angela, NO one's talked to Melissa, and they don't know WHO the hell Jen is. "

Aj smiles a bit bigger and leans back in her seat, taking a deep, satisfied breath. She just says, "Excitement, my dear Tamina. Juuuuust excitement!"

Aj says, "You know what? I think I'm gonna' save that dude's number!

Tamina answers, "aww, c'mon AJ, don't do thaaaat."

AJ says, "No, no…I'm gonna' SAVE his number…let's see…I'll call him 'RANDOM guy'."

So she types in "random Guy" on her i-phone and saves it.

Tamina smirks and asks, "Really? 'RANDOM guy'?"

Aj nods, "Well, yeah. He WAS just some **random** dude that called my phone by mistake, but I wanna' have s'more fun with this, I wanna' see where it leads!"

Tamina smiles and says, "AJ, you KNOW you're wrong for doing this."

AJ waves her off, saying, "Oh, C'MON girl—this shit is FUN! It's like I have my OWN little SOAP opera, here! Besides, in a couple days, I _**might**_ just call that guy back—you know, touch base, see where we're at?"

Tamina laughs, "Hahaha…oh ,you are WRONNNNG, girl!"

_**A/N—Oh yeah, there WILL be a followup to THAT conversation in a few chapters, lol.**_

* * *

><p><em><strong>Ok, let's join up with Kharma and Aksana…<strong>_

Kharma Asks, "AJ, -ERR, KHARMA MEAN, **AKSANA**-YOU EVER WIN WOMEN TITLE?"

Aksana, NOW using her newly-learned "cookie monster" voice so that she can supposedly speak better English replies, "UH, NO…BUT AKSANA, WILL BE PART OF WOMEN TAG CHAMPS ONCE AKSANA AND KHARMA WIN RACE!"

Kharma smiles and replies—of course , in her USUAL Cookie-monster voice, "AH, AKSANA ENGLISH ALMOST GOOD AS KHARMA! KHARMA PROUD OF AKSANA!"

Aksana smiles and answers, "AKSANA FEEL GOOD TO BE KHARMA PARTNER! HEY KHARMA, SETH ROLLIIN OF SHEILD KEEPS TRYING TO SEE AKSANA TITTY!

Kharma furrows her brow and answers, "SETH ROLLIN SOUND LIKE PERVERT! YOU CAN STOP HIM—WHAT YOU DO—YOU-YOU-YOU-YOU-EEEEH…YOU TAKE CAN OF ROACH SPRAY AND NEXT TIME YOU'RE IN LOCKER ROOM, YOU SPRAY HIM IN EYE! HE WILL KNEEL BEFORE YOU MIGHTY PRESENCE IN SUBMISSION BECAUSE ROACH SPRAY BURN EYE! HIM PEEP NO MORE! M"

Aksana nods and asks, "HOW KHARMA KNOW THAT?"

Kharma answers, "EASY, WHEN KHARMA HAD MATCH WITH BIG SHOW, HE KEPT TRYING TO CHOKESLAM KHARMA BY KHARMA TITS. KHARMA PULL OUT CAN OF BUG SPRAY FROM BRA AND KHARMA SPRAY HIS PERVERTED ASS-AND SHE ROLL HIM UP FOR PIN!" KHARMA LOVE PIN—JUST LIKE H, DE' TRIPLE! ONLY KHARMA HAS NO REFEREE!"

* * *

><p><em><strong>Ok, hmmm…I wonder how the Bellas are faring?<strong>_

Brie asks, "So, you can STILL see normally even WITH those sunglasses growing on your face?"

Nikki answers, "Absolutely, sis, you know I have to sit down to take a piss!"

Brie nods and says, "You know, I REALLY hope you decide to DUMP his trifling ass!

Nikki rolls her eyes, "Look I want to MARRY him, I can't help it if fat people go to the gym!"

Brie says, "But sis, I'm just concerned about you. You shouldn't be…be…RYMING your lines like this. It's not NORMAL!"

Nikki smiles and replies, "Aww…I love you sissy, If people don't get enough sex, then they'll be all pissy!"

Brie rolls her eyes and sighs to herself, just exasperated by her sister's condition.

Brie mumbles to herself, thinking Nikki can't hear her "I SWEAR, when we get back home, I'm telling daddy to SHOOT that low-life Cena!"

Nikki DOES hear that comment and replies, "Hey, don't tell DADDY! I wanna' go to KFC and eat a CHICKEN patty!"

* * *

><p><em><strong>Ok, now let's visit Natalya and JoJo…<strong>_

Natalya's singing, "…50 bowls of Hart Dynasty surprise on the wall, 50 bowls of hart Dynasty surpriiiise, -c'mon, sing ALONG with me, Jo!"

JoJo has a slightly dejected look on her face as she reaches for a CD—ANYTHING to take her mind off of…UGH—"Hart Dynasty Surprise".

She puts the CD in—and listens for a few seconds, the music blares and it's Bret Hart's theme song!

JoJo says, "Heeeey…I've ALWAYS liked his theme song!" She turns up the volume on the speakers.

Natalya answers, "Yeah, totally—I've always thought it was badass! But, this is sort of a 'remixed' version that I had a DJ do for me at a party one night—check it out! It even has my uncle Bret on it!"

JoJo asks, "for REAL? Bret's on here?"

Natalya smiles and nods, "Yeah, it's awesome—oh-HERE's the part!"

Jo Jo listens, bopping her head to the rhythm of Bret's theme song. When Bret's voice comes over the CD—he's actually RECITING the recipe for "Hart Dynasty Surprise" and NOW it's echoing throughout the car!

JoJo whines, "NOOOOOO!"

Natalya, with a worried expression on her face asks, "What's wrong, sweetie?"

JoJo reaches for the volume knob, trying to turn the volume down, but it breaks off in her hand. Wide-eyed, she looks at Nat. Nat smiles sheepishly and says, "Uh, yeah…remind me to get that fixed."

Meanwhile, Bret's voice is coming over the speakers, _"Yeah, and THEN you take 3 cups of cinnamon…"oooohhhh yeah, babe!"_

JoJo tries to eject the cd from the player and the cd comes halfway out, but goes back in, somehow.

JoJo glares at Natalya and asks, "SERIOUSLY? SERIOUSLY?"

Natalya shrugs and says, "Ummmm…remind me to get that fixed.

Wow, they are STUCK hearing Bret Hart's old theme song as he voice-overs the recipe for Hart Dynasty Surprise at a rather loud volume in the car!

* * *

><p><em><strong>Alright, let's join in with the Funkadactyls and Molly in their ass-car, as they appear to have made a wrong turn, somehow…<strong>_

Molly looks around and just sees wilderness. She asks, "Umm…how'd we get here?"

Cameron answers, "HM…FOLLOWIN' 'DIS FUCKED-UP GPS SYSTEM!"

Naomi replies, "LOOK YOU, TWO, WE'LL BE A'IGHT…A'IGHT? JUST GIMME SOME TIME TO FIGURE 'DIS SHIT OU!"

Basically, their car looks like a giant black ass sitting in the middle of a field of grass.

Molly pulls out a map and says, "Guys, I think we might've accidentally pulled into ZooAmerica. Umm…yeah, I think so!"

Naomi answers, "WHA'CHU TALKIN' BOUT CRACKA'? WE AIN'T IN NO ZOO'MERICA!"

As the girls argue about their whereabouts, suddenly, they feel a huge "bump" to the rear of their vehicle.

The girls all jolt forward and yell, "WHOAAAA!"

Cameron asks, WHAT IN THE FUCK WAS THAT?"

Naomi shrugs and answers, "OWW-NO, GIIIIRRRRRL! BUT IT FELT LIKE IT CAME FROM 'DA BACK!"

THIS time, they feel ANOTHER bump from the back…

Cameron, turns around and asks, "MOLLY, IZ 'DAT'CHU DOIN' 'DAT?"

Molly, feeling yet another forceful bump answers, "No, it's not ME! Whaoaa!

Tow, the bumping gets rhythmic and continues, with each bump, the girls keep yelling, "WHOOOOAAAA, WHAT THE FUUUUUCK?"

The rear-view mirror falls to the floor as the powerful bumping continues. Molly quickly picks it up and angles it to look out of the back. Naomi asks, MOLLY, WHAT THE HELL IZ' DAT'?"

Molly looks and her eyes widen. Cameron asks, "MOLLY, YOU SEE SNYTHING, GIIIRRRRRL?"

As Molly's holding the mirror, the bumping grows even more intense and everything in the car is shaking violently in rhythm to the bumping. Molly answers, "you guys aren't gonna'—WHOA!—LIKE this, but a BUFFALO is trying to MATE with your CAAAAR!"

Cameron and Naomi yell, "WHAAAAAAAAAAAT?!"

Molly, being shaken violently, herself, answers, "A BUFFALO IS HUMPING YOUR CAR—RIGHT IN THE…ASS!"

All the girls are yelling, "WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA…" to each thrust given by the animal.

Cameron yells, "AAAAAAAAAAGH, SOMEONE HEEELLLLLLLP—WE'RE BEING FUCKED, AND I CAN'T GET OUUUUUUUT!"

Just then ALL girls yell "AAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIAAAAAAAUUUUUUUGH!"

For all intents and purposes, their car looks like a giant black ass in the middle of a field being taken doggy-style by a bison…you're welcome.

.

**A/N-Hey, Al, here. Have any of YOU ever thought about answering a phone call made to your phone by mistake? You should try it, someday, you never know, you might just have fun, lol! But anyway, with that, I'll leave it here for today, hopefully the girls will find a way out of that situation. We'll see, lol.**

* * *

><p><strong>Lol, hey, Thanks for joining me this time. How about you join me NEXT time—same Warrior time, same Warrior place, same Warrior channel!<strong>


	8. Shopping and a Brewing Rivalry

**A/N—Yes, I know…I know—it's been a while since my last update. Well, I had shit to do, s'all. Well, anywho, I'm back with another chapter—or as some of you call it—a "chappie". Ok, last we left off, Funkadactyls and Molly were getting a first-hand experience of the mating ritual of the mighty buffalo. However, right now, we're going to join up with Aksana and Kharma, as they're approaching the city of King of Prussia—a well-known shopping haven en route to Philadelphia. OH—in case you forgot, Kharma, who, naturally, sounds like Cookie Monster-or Dikembe Mutombo (take your pick) has been giving English lessons to Aksana, so now Aksana (in HER voice) now has a Cookie monster-ish type voice, just like Kharma!**

* * *

><p>Kharma turns to Aksana and asks, "HEY, DOES AKSANA SEE MALL OVER THERE? THAT'S WHERE KHARMA BUY HER WRESTLE BOOTS!"<p>

Aksana answers, "NO AKSANA NEVER SEE THIS MALL BEFORE! IT LOOK VERY EXCITING TO AKSANA! ME THINK WE SHOULD GO GET SHOES!"

Kharma replies, "UM, KHARMA NOT SO SURE—IF KHARMA AND AKSANA BUY SHOE, IT TAKE UP LOTS OF TIME AND WE HAVE TO GET PORN AND BEER FOR MISTER MCMAHON TO BECOME WOMEN'S TAG-TEAM CHAMP!"

Aksana glances over at the mall as they pass by. Her eyes start to well up with tears and she pleads, "PLEEEEEEASE, AKSANA NEED SHOE, AKSANA NEED SHOE!

Kharma hesitates and lances at the mall and then back at Aksana, who has a puppy dog-soulful-eyed look on her face. Finally, Kharma sighs, checks her watch, and says, "OK, KHARMA PULL OVER SO AKSANA CAN GO TO MALL—BUT AKSANA BETTER NOT BE LONG! COME ON—ME GO WITH YOU!"

So, Kharma parks the…um vehicle, and both ladies head into the mall and, right away, a pair of gold-colored, glittery stilettos catch Aksana's eye.

Aksana smiles and points to the shoes, jumping up and down in excitement as if she's a kid in a toy store who just found her favorite toy, or something.

"OOH, OOH, OOH—AKSANA WANT THESE, AKSANA WANT THESE!"

Just then, the saleslady walks over to Aksana and smiles, saying, "Hello, welcome to Macy's—can I help you with anything today?"

Aksana, very proud of her recently-learned English grammar, confidently replies, "YES, YOU MAY HELP AKSANA—SHE NEED THIS SHOE IN SIZE 5!"

The lady shoots a slightly confused look at Aksana and asks, "Ok, well…where's Aksana at?"

Aksana replies, "AKSANA RIGHT HERE! AKSANA RIGHT HERE!"

The saleslady laughs a little and answers, "OHHH…so YOU'RE Aksana? No offense, but do you realize that you refer to yourself in the third-person? I mean…just sayin'."

Aksana, too excited over these shoes, just replies, "AKSANA LOOK GOOD IN THESE—SHE WILL IMPRESS BOYFRIEND, TOO! HE-HE LOVE TO SEE AKSANA DO STRIPTEASE WHILE HE JERK OFF USING MAYONNAISE! IT MAKE BOYFRIEND'S DICK TASTE LIKE TURKEY SANDWICH!"

The saleslady gives Aksana an incredulous look, as if she couldn't believe what she just heard. The lady replies, "Um…uh, yeah—size 5, right? I'll be right back."

As the lady scurries to the back, another customer apparently overheard the conversation that just ended. She turns to Aksana and Aksana makes eye contact. Aksana smiles and starts singing to the lady, "AKSANA'S BOLOGNA HAS A FIRST NAME—IT'S O-S-C-A-R, AKSANA'S BOLOGNA HAS A SEC-OND NAME—IT'S B-I-G ASSED-BALLS! HAHAHAHAAA!"

Meanwhile, in another part of the store, Kharma apparently has found some shoes that she likes. She's seated in a chair and her saleslady is trying with all of her MIGHT to get the shoe on Kharma's foot.

Panting, the saleslady asks, "Excuse me, ma'am, but are you SURE you're a size 4? I mean—this IS a size 4 and it's not even making it past your ARCH! Besides, your big TOE—it-it looks like a…a…fucking MOUNTAIN!"

Kharma, slightly insulted, replies, "HEY, HEY NOW—KHARMA KNOW WHAT SHE DOING! KHARMA BEEN SIZE 4 SINCE SHE BE 12 YEARS OLD! NOW PUSH, SHOE-LADY!"

The saleslady shakes her head, wondering how to make this work. Suddenly, a thought hits her. The saleslady says, "Ok, I THINK I have an idea, miss!"

The lady leaves momentarily and walks out of the store to the gym across the way. Kharma sees where she's headed and wonders to herself, checking her watch.

Kharma asks herself, "DAMN, KHARMA HOPE THIS NOT TAKE TOO LONG."

Kharma looks at the transaction across the way as she sees her saleslady trying to convince some bodybuilders to help her out, apparently. It didn't take long because the saleslady has enormous tits and she flashes the personal trainers! They look at her, then at each other, smile, and then shrug, giving each other a thumbs-up in the process. The saleslady leads them over to where Kharma was seated. They all back up and the saleslady yells, "OK, ON THE COUNT OF 3! 1…2…3!"

They all run toward Kharma, who has her leg sticking straight out, and give the shoe a forceful push, which, of course, knocks Kharma's chair backwards-but she finally manages to get the shoe on! Amidst the pile of people, Kharma emerges with her new shoe fitting rather firmly around her foot. She stands up and looks down at her shoe. The exhausted saleslady asks, "So, *_pant*_what *_pant*_ do _*pant*_you think?"

Kharma tilts her head to the side and sheepishly answers, "HM…KHARMA DON'T KNOW—ME WANT TO TRY ON ANOTHER PAIR…PLEEEEEEASE?"

The saleslady and the 4 personal trainers all look at each other and just faint. The saleslady is on the floor and she mutters, "Oooh…they don't pay me enough for this shit….honestly."

Meanwhile, Kharma is smiling brightly at the fallen group as she sits back down. She squeezes her ankle and the shoe pops off like a cork from a champagne bottle on New Year's. A man across the store hears the "foomp" noise and sees the shoe coming and pulls his wife out of the way as the heel of the stiletto makes a hole in the opposing wall in the store.

Kharma smiles and just says, "OOPS, KHARMA SORRY! WHERE SHOE? WHERE SHOE?—KHARMA WANT **THAT** ONE!

* * *

><p><strong>Ok, we're done here, so let's join up with Natalya and JoJo, as they're ALSO headed into King of Prussia…<strong>

JoJo rolls her eyes a in frustration and asks, "Nattie…WHEN can we stop LISTENING to this CD? I mean, DAYUM—it's only BEEN fuckin 45 MINUTES! I mean—I'd RATHER hear _'Roar'_ by that Katy Perry bitch. God only KNOWS they play THAT damn song to death!"

Nattie smiles and says, "Ohhh…it'll be ok! These things just have a way of healing themselves! Hey, I bet if you had another helping of my 'Hart Dynasty Surprise', it'd make you feel better!"

JoJo's eyes momentarily widen as she hurriedly replies, "Uh…oh no—I just COULDN'T! I mean—you workd SOOOO hard to make it—I couldn't POSSIBLY—"

Natalya cuts her off, "—Oh, it's no problem! I keep an emergency supply in my glove compartment!"

JoJo thinks to herself and points to the glove compartment. She asks, "Um…yeah—um…how long has that been IN there?"

Natalya cmiles and says, "Well, it's been in there for 6 months, now. Oh, it's still good! It's as good as it was when I first pulled it out of my a—er, I mean, when I first MADE it—yeah, THAT'S the ticket!"

JoJo, changing the subject just leads in, "Uh…yeah. Hey, you know that 'Summer Rae' chick they're replacing me with on our show?"

Natalya's smile almost IMMEDIATELY disappears. JoJo sees this and asks, "What's wrong? Something I said?"

Natalya's lips purse noticeably and she simply replies, "I hate that bitch."

JoJo, a bit taken aback by Nat's frankness, smiles a little and asks, "What? Did something HAPPEN between you two?"

Natalya pulls a pair of pliers from her tights and cranks up the volume on her stereo, which, if you recall, the knob was broken off in the previous chapter, AND which STILL has Bret Hart's theme song playing as he voice-overs the recipe for "Hart Dynasty Surprise." NOW it sounds like Bret is YELLING the recipe—"._..3 **MORE** CUPS OF CINNAMON, YOU JACKALS! 4 MORE CUPS OF VELVEETA! 5 MORE POUNDS OF RAMEN NOODLES, 3 MORE CUPS OF BROCCOLI AND APPLES…"_

JoJo angrily plugs her ears with her fingers and tries to grab the pliers from Nattie, who, as she's DRIVING, is doing a masterful job of playing keep-away.

JoJo, frustrated, asks, "How in the hell are you DOING this?, _**I**_ have two hands FREE and **you're** DRIVING!"

Natalya smiles and simply replies, "Oh, my Uncle Owen taught me this when I was a little girl! Yeah, you see, Davey Boy smith would always be trying to eat Owen's caramel corn and Owen was VERY good at playing keep-away—I remember one time, Davey tried to take Owen's crackerJacks, but it was all a setup!"

JoJo asks, "A setup, what do you mean?"

Nat replies, "Yeah, Owen took a box of boric acid and put a blank sheet of paper over the front and sides of it and wrote 'Owen's caramel corn' on the front of the box, hahaha…Well, Davey Boy wasn't the brightest, let's just say—and he saw the box and just BLINDLY picked it up, opened it, and swallowed the contents!"

JoJo, concerned, asks, "Oh no—did you take him to the hospital?"

Natalya smiles and answers, "What? Fuuuuuuck no—my uncle Owen said, 'let his ass WALK! And tell his ass to stay out of my damn POPCORN!'"

Nat continues, "So yeah—you REALLY aren't getting these pliers, babe. Sorry!"

Just then, JoJo saw Natalya put the pliers down the top of her singlet. Jo thinks to herself and reaches over quickly, trying to get the pliers out of Nat's singlet.

Natalya almost loses control of the car. She exclaims, "WHOA, BITCH—WHATTHEHELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING? THAT'S MY FUCKING…NIPPLE, YOU ASSHAT!"

Jo replies, "Look, I'm JUST trying to get the damn PLIERS! And I didn;t know you were so COLD-you nips are as hard as pencil erasers!"

Natalya answers, "Well, it's not EXACTLY 80 degrees out-it's fucking 12!" She sighs and thinks for second and then calmly goes back to JoJo's original question, smiling and asking, "So, you were asking about Summer Rae, honey?"

JoJo, just now remembering, "Uh…YEAH—what's with you and Summer?"

Natalya resumes her anger and says, "Well—I caught that little heifer trying to seduce my husband! Yeah, she actually CAME OVER TO MY HOUSE, JO! Yeah, she came over in NOTHING but her wrestling gear and kept telling my husbanc that she'd "like to have a title match with him" and she was EATING up MY 'Hart Dynasty Surprise' all…fucking…SEDUCTIVELY off of her spork that I was generous enough to even GIVE her ass!"

JoJo replies, "Wow…I didn't know."

Nat replies, "Yeah…she was eating it and slowly licking it off of the spork while making eyes at MY HUSBAND! Look—Hart Dynasty Surprise is NOT to be eaten or USED like that—it is MY specialty! And I was pissed at HIS ass, too! His dick was fucking rock-HARD! He had such a pitched tent that it looked like something you'd see at a fucking CAMPSITE—except…if-if your tent was made of denim, or domething."

JoJo nods and says, "Wow…I'm sorry, Nat."

Natalya, still upset, replies, "Yeah, so fuck that rotten bitch, I hope she burns in hell!"

JoJo, amazed seeing THIS side of Natalya just slowly turns ad looks at the scenery out of her side of the car.

* * *

><p><strong>Ok, I'm cutting it here today. Yeah, I know it's been entirely TOO long since I last updated, but I PROMISE—I'll update more regularly from here on! I mean, since this will be the shortest "Grapefruits" adventure, it'd stand to reason there's no WAY this should be taking THIS long. But, again—although I'm writing again, it's only on—what? A Part-time basis. Glad you asked. Oh, if you're wondering about the Funkadactyls and Molly-they're still trying to get out of ZooAmerica, lol. As far as AJ and Tamina, the bellas are doing fine-like a well-aged glass of wine (as John Cena and NOW Nikki would say, lol), and That phone call that AJ had will be followed up in the next chapter. Take care! Don't drink and drive and don't try to eat when you're on the toilet, either-I mean, really-how the hell can you push AND swallow-THINK about it, people!<strong>

* * *

><p>I'll catch you next time—same Warrior time, same Warrior place, same Warrior channel!<p> 


	9. Arguments and Road Rage

_**A/N-So, didya' miss me? Lol, here my retarded ass is again, with another chapter of the adventure for you kind folks out there. So, no bullshittin'—let's get started, baby!**_

* * *

><p><strong>Back on the "plains" of ZooAmerica, we find Molly and the Funkadactyls…<strong>

Cameron turns to the other two and asks, "IS ER'BODY AI'IGHT?"

Molly picks herself off of the floor of the "car" and shakes the starts off, saying, "Ugh…yeah, I'm ok. How about you, Naomi?"

Naomi sits up and she, too, shakes some stars off, saying, "Y'ALL KNOW WHAT? DIS' HERE? DIS HERE WILL BE THE FIRST TIME I DONE EVER GOT MY CAR HUMPED BY A BUFFALO—IF I DECIDE T'HAVE KIDS, MAMA TELLIN' 'EM ABOUT 'DIS SHIT, SOMEDAY! YO, THAT WAS SOME OUTRAGEOUS SHIT, RIGHT THURR."

Molly tries to start the car—and it starts right up!

Molly looks incredulously at the car as it started right up after taking such a pounding. Cameron sees this and smiles, saying, "GIIIIIIRL…THAT'S WHY I BOUGHT THIS MOTHERFUCKER—THIS SHIT JUST LAAAAASTS AND LAAAAASTS—HM, WHICH IS MORE THAN I CAN SAY FOR MY EX! YOU REMEMBER HIM, NAY?"

Naomi rolls her eyes and answers, "SHEEEEEIIIT, HELL YEAH I REMEMBER HIS OL' TRIFLING ASS!"

Molly, not wanting to feel left out, asks, "Um…what was so bad about him?"

Cameron replies, "OK, FOR VALENTINE'S'S DAY, FOR EXAMPLE—THIS FOOL BROUGHT ME AN INCOMPLETE SILVERWARE SET! NOW, IT'S NOT THE SILVERWARE SET OR EVEN THAT IT WAS INCOMPLETE—THIS DUDE ACTUALLY STOLE—YES, **STOLE**—HIS MOMMA'S SILVERWARE SET TO GIVE TO ME! I **KNEW** HIS ASS STOLE IT BECAUSE IT WAS THE **SAME** SILVERWARE THAT _**I**_ GAVE HER LAST MOTHER'S DAY BECAUSE **HIS** ASS WAS TOO CHEAP TO GET HER ANYTHING! HELL, HIS ASS WASN'T WITH ME WHEN I BROUGHT THAT SHIT! HAMSTER-DICK MUH'FUCKER."

Naomi smiles and says, "GIIIIRRRRRL, PLEASE—I BET HIS MOMS IS STILL WONDERIN WHERE ALL HER FLATWARE WENT. THAT BITCH PROLLY HAS LIKE, 3 KNIVES, 2 FORKS, AND FUCKIN…1 SPOON. ALL I KNOW IS 'DAT I DIDN'T THINK THIS MAN WAS SO DAMN…CHEAP—JUST CHEAP AND TRIFLING!"

Molly innocently asks, "Hm, I hope you don't mind me asking, but…was he African American?"

Slightly offended, Naomi and Cameron look at each other and then back at Molly, nodding.

Molly folds her hands and replies, "Oh…wow, daddy was right, after all.

Cameron asks, "WAIT, WHAT'CHU MEAN, GIIIIRRRRRL?"

Molly blinks and then answers, "Well, father ALWAYS told me to stay away from nig—er, I mean—AFRICAN-AMERICAN men. He said that they're notoriously cheap, they always need to borrow money, and they're sexually lazy, and prone to drinking problems. Ohhh…father's so wise.

The other two girls, now USED to Molly's attitude as a result of her obviously racist dad, just look at each other and shrug.

Cameron just nods and says, "YOU KNOW WHAT, NAY? OL' GIIIIRRRRRLLL HERE? SHE RIGHT ABOUT THAT SHIT—MY EX WASN'T NO AFRICAN-AMERICAN—HIS ASS WAS MAAAAAD NIGG'RISH—ER, UM, I MEAN, MAAAAAD N-WORD-ISH! HIS ASS ALWAYS NEEDED TO BORROW MONEY, I GOT SICK AND DAMN TIRED OF HIM LEAVIN' HIS DAMN EMPTY 40-OUNCE BOTTLES ALL OVER MY GOT-DAMN LIVINGROOM, AND HIS ASS NEVER WANTED TO MAKE LOVE, EITHER! ALL HIS ASS WANTED TO DO WAS PLAY PLAYSTATION AND SMOKE WEED! FUCKIN' J.T.G—JUST **TOO** MUTHAFUCKIN' GHETTO—**THAT'S** WHAT **THAT** SHIT SHOULD STAND FOR!"

Naomi shakes her head and replies, "DAMN, I REMEMBER WHEN I FIRST MET HIM BACKSTAGE, TOO. ALWAYS HANGIN' OUT BY THE SODA MACHINES BY THE WOMEN'S LOCKER ROOM AN' SHIT! FUCKIN' JTG. SHEEEIIIT, NIGG'AIN'T WORTH A DAYUM. LET'S GET ON OUTTA' HERE BEFORE A…FUCKIN' **ELEPHANT** TRIES TO RAPE OUR CAR NEXT!"

* * *

><p><strong>Ok, we'll let them get situated and join up with AJ and Tamina, who are approaching Philadelphia…<strong>

Tamina asks, "Aw damn…there's traffic up ahead. How long do you think this is gonna' take?"

AJ shrugs and answers, "I dunno. Looks like we're just gonna' have to be IN it. I just hope it doesn't take too long.

Just then, AJ's phone starts ringing.

Tamina asks, "Is that your phone, girl?"

AJ furrows her brow and pulls her phone from out her purse and looks at the caller id. It reads "Random Guy".

Aj has a confused look on her face and she turns to Tamina.

Tamina asks, "What's up?"

AJ shakes her head and asks, "Huh? 'RANDOM guy'? I don't know any 'RANDOM guy'. Like, W-T-F…seriously."

That's when a thought hits her and her eyes grow big. She gasps in excitement and she says in awe of herself, "Huh…OH SHIT—TAMIN—IT-IT'S THAT GUY I WAS TALKING TO EARLIER! I ALMOST FORGOT! HE'S ACTUALLY CALLING ME BACK!"

Tamina smirks and shakes her head. She asks, "So, you gonna' pick it up?"

AJ smiles brightly, saying, "Mama—you damn RIGHT I'm picking it up! Don't you see? Peoples' LIVES have been affected! Besides, This is ADVENTURE, PROMISE, FUN! Look, I started this thing, and I'm seeing through to the end! Oh—HAHAHAHA!"

Aj clears her throat and clicks her phone on.

She says, "Hello?"

The voice answers, "Hey Melissa, what's going' on?"

AJ mouths to Tamina, "Oh SHIT—it's the SAME GUY! NOW he's calling me 'Melissa'!"

AJ smirks and thinks to herself, _"Aww c'mon, HE knows what's up—I'm not gonna' CAVE!"_

AJ clears her throat again and replies, "Nothin' much, man, how about you?"

**Voice:** Listen, I've got us on conference call with Janelle and Marie.

AJ rolls her eyes and thinks to herself, "_Hm, like I'm backing DOWN from Janelle and Marie. Psssht."_

AJ replies, "Heya girls! Welcome to the call."

AJ's smiling from ear-to-ear, thinking, _"Yeah, ladies—welcome to the show! Here we go! How long are we gonna' lie for? How long do you want me to lie? Because I'm gonna' go all the WAY!"_

**_Then, Marie takes the lead in. _Marie:** Hey Melissa, uh…what time is it where you are?"

AJ looks at her phone and sees that it's 9am. This is a California company so she knows they're 3 hours behind as she's on the east coast right now.

AJ replies, "Ohhh…It's about 6 am, here."

AJ thinks to herself, _"Yep, I'll just sprinkle more lies in—I can fool 'em, I can fool 'em!"_

**Marie:** Oh really, what's the weather like?

AJ answers, "Weather's nice, weather's nice.

**Marie:** You know, this doesn't SOUND like Melissa.

AJ, stepping up to the challenge, answers, "Oh yeah, who's it sound like, then?"

**Then, the original guy that called twice—HE chirps in,:** SOUNDS LIKE ANGELA, SOUNDS LIKE ANGELA!"

AJ looks at the phone, shaking her head in disbelief. She thinks_, "Yeah, and THIS moron's saying it like he's gonna' blow this WHOLE case wide the fuck open, or something."_

AJ, finally resigning, says, "Hey, uh…guys? This-this isn't Melissa…and thi-this isn't Angela, either."

**Marie:** _(quietly)_ Oh my—well who IS this?

AJ answers, smiling a little, "I'm just some chick who had nothing better to do than mess with you guys."

Marie REALLY didn't like that answer.. She got pissed and started yelling…

**Marie:** WE'RE A SMALL BUSINESS TRIANGLE!

AJ shrugs and casually mentions, "I know, I know, yeah yeah…"

**Marie:** WHAT, DO YOU THINK THIS IS A JOKE?!

AJ smirks and says, "Meh…well, a li'l bit, yeah."

**Marie:** Oh? Well lemme' ASK you something—

AJ cuts her off, yelling forcefully "—NO LEMME ASK **YOU** SOMETHING!"

**Marie:** WHAT?!

AJ raises her eyebrows and calmly asks, "So uh, where are we at with the budget?"

**Marie:** UGH! _*click*_

* * *

><p><strong>Lol, ok let's leave that there and rejoin Natalya and JoJo, as they're approaching one of the Philadelphia exits. YES, Bret's STILL in the background yelling the recipe for 'Hart Dynasty surprise'. However, the girls seem to be in the middle of a conversation…<strong>

Natalya points out, "..you see and that's one reason I love my hubby so much. He puts up with me just like I have to put up with him."

JoJo argues, "But, usually in any relationship, most of the mistakes are made by men, anyway! I should know, I've paid WITNESS to it."

Natalya, well, you must understand something, sweetie—my dad used to tell me , from a man's perspective, just how batshit crazy women are, ANYWAY."

JoJo was about to answer, but Nat raised her hand up and continued, "Hold on…lemme' give you an example—you go into a…bar or a Starbucks, or something, right? Ok, there's a woman in line ahead of you that just ordered a cappuccino latte, or Something, tight? Well, the barista hands the lady her coffee and she damn near cusses the guy out because he forgot to put her whipped cream on top. She's in line making a stink like, 'where's my FUCKING whipped cream, asshole?'"

JoJo nods and smirks a bit due the familiarity of what she's being told.

Nat continues, "Well, the barista takes the drink back and puts the whipped cream on top and hands it back to the woman. The same woman is now all sweet and smiling, saying, 'oh thank you, that's so sweet of you!' Jo, when I actually SAW that shit in a McDonald's up in Maine, I, too, wasn't a believer—but I believe now."

JoJo got quiet—especially because she knew some friends that were just like that.

JoJo shrugged and came to a realization, "I dunno, maybe women really ARE fucking crazy?, hahaha!"

Nat nods and says, "Ah, but all is not bad, Jo. Being that we're so loopy, we'll ALWAYS win arguments, too. YaHAAA!"

JoJo smiles and says, "Hm, damn RIGHT!"

Nat continues, "Besides, if he's winning an argument in, like, a public place, or something, that's when I dtart getting loud. I say-I say shit like, 'WHAT DO YOU MEAN? ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY MY BREATH STINKS, HUH? WELL, YOUR FUCKING…BALLS AREN'T SPRINGTIME FRESH, EITHER, BUCKO!' You know—shit like that. Men embarrass easily—you'll see!"

JoJo smiles and nods as they continue on toward the city.

* * *

><p><strong>Ok, let's join up with the Bellas…<strong>

Nikki, who, thanks to her disease advancing so rapidly, _**now**_ looks like a hybrid of Justin Timberlake and T-Pain with a blonde wig on, sees the city skyline in the distance and mentions, "Eh yo, there's Philly, we almost there! I like to eat funnel cake when we go to the fair!"

Brie asks, "Look at all of this fucking TRAFFIC, UGH! Can't these people go any faster?"

Nikki replies, "I don't know what the holdup is, but I love the creaminess that is Cheez Wiz!"

Brie shakes her head and says, "Nik, I hope we win this. I was thinking we could hock the belts to get a cure for your sickness. And if we have enough money left over, we could maybe buy a new Porsche, or something."

Nikki nods, stroking her chin. She replies, "but Won't Mr. McMahon wonder what happened to his belts? You gotta' call Child Protective if someone's kid's skin is full of welts!"

Brie sighs and asks, "Nik, did you hear? That new chick, Summer? She started rhyming her lines last week. You know what THAT means…"

Nikki feels an anger brewing inside and angrily replies, "**FUCK** JOHN, I'M GONNA' CHOKE HIS ASS OUT WITH MY USED TAMPON!"

Brie's eyes widen momentarily, surprised that would come out of her sister's mouth. But, it also made her sort of proud—proud that her sister is FINALLY seeing John for the man he TRULY is.

Brie just quietly says, "Yeah sis…fuck John AND his…fucking SKITTLES shirts."

* * *

><p><strong>Ok, Last, let's hit up Aksana and Kharma, who, don't forget, BOTH talk like "Cookie Monster" and who BOTH have FINALLY left the mall and are on the open road…<strong>

Aksana asks, "HEY, AKSANA WONDER HOW LONG BEER PORN RUN TAKE?"

Kharma smiles and answers, "KHARMA LOOK AT GPS AND SHE SAY IT TAKE MAYBE 15 MINUTE TO GET TO SHOP."

Aksana looks at the traffic and replies, "UH, AKSANA DON'T KNOW, AKSANA SEE TRAFFIC REALLY BAD, HERE."

Just then, a lady in a car shaped like a giant, hairy pair of balls, flies past them and zooms down the road, riding in the shoulder lane.

Kharma, disgusted, yells out of her window, shaking her fist, "FUCKING…TRAMP!"

Apparently, the lady heard her and hollered back, "FUCK YOU, YA' FAT BIT-! "

Just then, there was a loud screeching and a crash! Traffic stopped…for the most part. It appeared that the lady driving the hairy ballsack rear-ended a tractor trailer as she wasn't looking where she was going when she yelled back at Kharma.

A few minutes later, Kharma and Aksana make their way past the scene of the accident and they could hear police in the background as they saw the lady run out of her car and into the woods, hopping over the guard-railing. Her car NOW looked like a giant, hairy set of balls hanging out of the back end of a trailer.

Kharma smiled to herself and turns to Aksana, "SEE KHARMA ALWAYS GET LAST LAUGH!"

Aksana and Kharma were just passing the scene where the cops had run the lady down and had her on the ground, cuffed.

Aksana yells out of her window, "THAT'S WHAT SABLE GET! DON'T EVER YOU CUT US OFF LIKE THAT! HA!"

Traffic starts moving and Sable sticks up her middle finger as best as she could, as she was being loaded in the back of a police cruiser.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Ok, I'll end it here today. Sorry it took so long between updates, but I hope you haven't given up on me! Because I'm seeing this through to the END, and I WON'T let you down!<strong>_

_**.**_

So, join me next time, same Warrior time, same Warrior place, same Warrior channel!

****R.I.P. Ultimate Warrior****


	10. The Plot Thickens--Just Like Gravy!

_**A/N—Here I go AGAIN, got-dammit! The ladies have actually arrived in Philly and are on the main stretch, looking for this particular porn shop—yeah, needle in a haystack, I know. But…let's join up with Brie and Nikki…**_

* * *

><p>Brie turns to Nikki and asks, "Sis, I was just thinking—how come, like, famous Hollywood women—PRETTY women, at that—can't seem to keep a relationship?<p>

Nikki shrugs and replies, "Yo, I don't know. When it's snowin' outside, I gots ta' shovel 'da SNOW!"

Brie sighs and says, "I mean, seriously—Halle Berry—her last TWO men cheated and broke up with HER!"

Nikki raises her eyebrows and replies, "Yo, I thought that she was supposed to be the SHIT!? I can't imagine we drink something that comes from a cow's TIT!"

Brie starts to respond but just glares at Nikki, instead. After a moment, she replies, "Well, I thought that that bitch was supposed to be the SHIT! You know, one of the most beautiful women in the world—and she can't seem to keep a man! "

Nikki just smiles and shrugs. She looks over and asks, "What's your theory?, if you piss on a toilet stool, it'll make it PEERY!"

Brie rolls her eyes and just mumbles, "…Whatever…LOOK, what I'm saying is that—I thought THOSE bitches were supposed to be the shit! Right? But they can't keep a MAN! Well, personally…MY theory is that…maybe—just MAYBE—they have vaginal odor?"

Nikki starts laughing and Brie continues, "No SERIOUSLY—I'm thinking they just MAY have VAGINAL odor! I mean, think about it, sis—I can SMELL these women—like when-when…um I'll be going INTO the bathroom, and another woman would be coming out, right? Well, I'll go into the stall, and her…ODOR just fucking PERMEATES the entire stall!" Honestly, I don't know HOW these MEN out here like to…lick something that smells like…fuckin'…old ONION! I mean, really, just because they're PRETTY or-or have millions of dollars doesn't mean that their pussy can't STINK! THINK about that."

Nikki smiles, shaking her head. She replies, "Yo, John would be trying to eat ME out while I was spottin'! I had to tell him to go out and pick me some COTTON!"

Brie just simply says, "Ewww…sis, we REALLY have to get you cured."

**So they just continue on down the stretch and WE'LL join up with Kharma and Aksana…**

* * *

><p>Kharma asks, "OK, DOES AKSANA KNOW WHERE PORN SHOP IS?"<p>

Aksana answers, "NO, I DON'T KNOW—"

Kharma cuts her off, giving her more "English language training", "—NO, AKSANA IS TO ALWAYS REFER TO HERSELF IN THRID-PERSON!"

Aksana nods and rephrases, "UM, AKSANA MEAN—AKSANA DOESN'T KNOW WHERE 'FRANK'S TAKIN' IT UP THE ASS TABERNACLE' IS!"

Kharma smiles and says, "VERY GOOD! KHARMA GIVE AKSANA AN 'A' FOR EFFORT! NOW, FOR NEXT LESSON—KHARMA WANT AKSANA TO SAY—'TOY BOAT', 3 TIMES—FAST!"

Aksana furrows her brow as she thinks about it. She then tries, "TOYBOAT, TOYBOYT, TOYBT—IS THAT IT?"

Kharma laughs a little. She replies, "KHARMA WANT AKSANA TO KEEP TRYING, AKSANA HAVE LONG WAY TO GO BEFORE SHE SPEAK ENGLISH AS GOOD AS KHARMA!"

**So, we'll leave those two to their practice speaking English, and we'll just move on to the Funkadactyls and Molly, who are giving HER English lessons and teaching her some general rules of etiquette…**

* * *

><p>Cameron points out, "OK GIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRL—YOU HAVE TO PROJECT YOUR VOICE WHEN YOU TALK! PEOPLE WON'T PAY ATTENTION TO YOU UNLESS YOU COMMAND A ROOM!"<p>

Molly asks, "So THIS is why black people talk so loudly?"

Naomi ansers, "OF COURSE, GIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRL! SEE? 'DIS HOW WE KEEP ALL THE ATTENTION ON US! WHEN YOU GO INTO ONE OF THOSE—UM…UM, THOSE CHINK JOINTS AND ORDER YOU SOME EGG FOOD-YOUNG—"

Molly interrupts and says, "—Um, Naomi, sorry to interrupt, but I think it's called 'Egg FOO young'."

Naomi rolls her eyes and sucks her teeth, "DAYUM—'DAT'S WHAT I BE SAYIN' AIN'T IT? LOOK HERE, WHITE GIRL—DON'T BE TRYIN'A COME UP IN HERE THINKING YO' ASS CAN SPEAK BETTER ENGLISH THAN ME! I WENT TO COLLEGE—I HAVE A DEGREE IN COSMETOLOG-IT-OL-LY…YOU KNOW-BEAUTY SCHOO'-I'M EDUMACATED, GOT 'DAT?!"

Molly just stares at her, dumbfounded that someone could actually be this ground-breakingly stupid.

Molly stares, wide-eyed and replies quietly, "Oh—I'm sorry, Naomi. I really didn't MEAN to—"

Naomi cuts HER off and says, "LOOK OK—IT'S COOL. WE KNOW YO' DADDY'S RACIST AND ER'THING, BUT WE GONNA LET THAT SHIT SLIDE. OK, ANYWAY—LIKE I WAS ABOUT TO SAY, YOU NEEDS TA' START EATIN MO' FRIED FOODS! AND GIT' SOME COLLID' GREENS IN YO BODY, GIIIIIRRRRRRRRRL! 'DA MENS—'DEY LIKE 'DAT SHIT—COLLID GEENS AND FATBACK MAKE YO' BOOTY FAT!"

Molly humbly replies, "But…but Stephanie McMahon used to say I HAD a fat ass."

Naomi and Cameron look at each other and laugh, high-fiving. Cameron says, "GIIIIRRRRRL—YOU GOT AN ASS, BUT IT DON'T POP—YOU KNOW? WHAT I;M SAYIN' IS 'DAT YOU WANT AN ASS WIT' SOME DEPTH TO THAT MUH'FUCKER. YEAH, YOU SEE—YO' ASS IS JUST WIDE—DAT' SHIT'S LIKE AN IMAX, OR SOME'FIN."

Naomi adds, "YEAH, IT'S…SORTA' BIG, BUT YOU AIN'T GOT NO DIMPLES. DA' MENS—'DEY LOVE DIMPLES!"

Molly nods and says, "Okay, so I need—"

Cameron AND Naomi say together, "—NEEDS!"

Molly quickly corrects herself and says, "Oh, I'm sorry—NEEDS—I NEEDS to eat more fried food and col-collard greens?"

Naomi says, "NOIT'S PRONOUNCED 'COLLID' GREENS' SAY IT!"

Molly answers, "Oh—Um, I NEEDS to eat more COLLID' greens?"

Naomi and Cameron smile and look at each other and then back at Molly.

Naomi says, "DON'T WORRY GIIIIIIRRRRRRRRL, WE'LL HOOK YOU UP! WE'LL HAVE YOU SPEAKIN' PROPER ENGLISH LIKE A MUH'FUCK."

Molly, deep in thought, quietly mumbles to herself, "Hmm…like a 'muh'fuck'? Sounds like a plan!"

**Ok, we'll leave them and join up with Natalya and JoJo, who stopped off at a barber shop to get directions to the porn joint. Just so you know, this is an "urban" barbershop—so, of COURSE you know it's a black barbershop…**

* * *

><p>Natalya sees one guy in a chair getting a haircut and decides to ask, "Um, excuse me, sir? So you know the way to 'Frank's takin' it up the Ass Tabernacle'?"<p>

The guy answers, without even turning around, "Yo sucka, you be meanin' talkin 'bout REV'N Frank?"

Natalya just has a confused expression on her face and the barber translates what the man was saying. He says, "Ma'am, what he was asking was 'are you talking about reverend Frank?'"

Nat replies, "Um, yes…I guess—does he own a porn shop?

The customer in the chair replies, "Yeah, he be on 'da block. Fo' real, sucka!"

Nat thinks to herself and shakes her head, wondering just WHY this voice sounds so familiar. She spins the chair a little and her eyes widen. She exclaims, "Oh, I should've KNOWN it was you! Hey Booker T!"

Booker replies, "Yo sucka', I see you on yo' way t'git 's porn!?"

Nat replies, "Yeah, the winners are gonna' be the new WWE womens' tag-champs."

Booker replies, "Coo' Just be sho' t'return wit' all his SHIT—and 'day' ain't gon' BE no shit…SUCKAAAAAAAAAA!"

Natalya just looks at the barber for _**some**_ kind of translation, but the barber just looks back at her and says, "Hell, OW'No what he just said!"

Just then, JoJo sees a dog sleeping next to another barber's chair and the bootleg movie guy had just entered the store. Natalya was talking to him and looking ery much like she was gonna' make a purchase. But, anyway, back to JoJo and the dog…

JoJo asks the barber, "Aawwww…does your dog bite?"

The barber answered, "Bite? Naw, my dog don't bite-hell MY dog ain't even got no teeth!"

So JoJo reaches down and pets the dog and the dog lunges out and CHEWS her ass up!"

Shortly, some people from outside hear the commotion and come in to help Jo out of the shop. As she's leaving, she says, "Hey man, I thought you said your dog didn't bite?"

The barber looks at the dog, then back at her and says, "Hell, Ow'no whose dog that is!"

_**A/N—the moral of THAT story...be specific, lol.**_

* * *

><p>I'll catch you next time, same Warrior time, same Warrior place, same Warrior channel!<p> 


	11. Catching the Spirit

_**A/N-Lol, hiya fuckers! Here we go again with more of this goofy-ass shit, lol. The Girls have all found the place—"Frank's Takin' it up the Ass Tabernacle", where Vince wants his Heineken and his porn mag –"Anal Asians—dey 'ruv you 'rong time". Do, let's join up with some of the ladies, shall we?**_

* * *

><p>Brie arrives at the building, which, oddly enough, looks like an old church. Just outside the doors, she can hear an ACTUAL CHURCH SERVICE—or at least she thinks…<p>

Brie turns to Nikki and asks, "Do you hear an organ, Nik?"

Nikki leans in toward the door and nods. She replies, "Yo, sounds like they havin' church, did you know my favorite fish is ocean perch?"

Brie shakes her head and opens the door. She says, "Come on, Nik. Let's see what we can find, here.

As they open the heavy wooden doors of the, uh…TABERNACLE, they can hear a preacher of some sort in the background…

Brie's eyes widen momentarily, as she looks around and sees that this place looks pretty much EXACTLY like a church. She furrows her brow and asks, "Hey sis, do you think we have the wrong place?"

It was just at that moment that the preacher, who was already yelling from the pulpit, with the organ playing between each pause (think Southern Baptist or Church of God in Christ-type preaching, or if you're STILL not familiar, think of that preacher that Arsenio Hall played in that movie _"Coming to America"_).

Anyway, the girls could hear the preacher, "-AND-AH-HAH, LEMME' TELL YA-AH-HAAA…THERE IS A GAWD-A-HA…SOMEWHERE! WE HERE AT FRANK'S TAKIN IT UP THE ASS TABERNACLE—WE LOVES US SOME GAAAAWWWWD-A-HA…"

Brie turns to Nikki and shrugs, saying, "I guess this IS the place, then?"

Nikki shrugs and asks, "Well, where's the shit? You're not gonna' cross a busy intersection without gettin' HIT."

Brie goes to ask one of the "ushers", who are apparently REALLY big guys in dress suits (likely bouncers). The "usher" then shows her how to get to the chapel.

Brie motions for her sister to follow and she does that.

* * *

><p>Just then, Natalya and JoJo enter the, ahem, church…<p>

Nat hears the "preacher", yep, still with an organ sound between each pause. The people in the congregation are yelling and cheering, and jumping around as the preacher's screaming," -THERE YOU ARE-A-HA…LATE AT NIGHT-A-HA…IN YOUR BED-ROOM-A-HA…HORNY AS HELL-AH-HAH..BUTT-NAKED-A-HAH...WITH A BOTTLE OF LOTION-A-HA…AND SOME PONE' _(porn)_-A-HA…Y'AAAAAAAAAAALLLLL DON'T HEAR ME!"

The congregation (if you can call it that), cheers and claps excitedly.

Nat mentions, damn Jo, this guy's GOOD! He's makin' ME believe in the power of—what'd he say?—'PONE', haha…let's go!"

So they get directions from one of the ushers and head toward the chapel, as well.

* * *

><p>Shortly after they enter the chapel, Molly and the Funkadactyls enter the place. Naomi knows EXACTLY where the chapel is, as her ex used to LOVE this place and she's been to more than a FEW "services"…<p>

Naomi says, "ALRIGHT, 'DAT'S WHAT I'M SCREAMIN'-PREACH ON, PLAYA'!"

And the preacher's red-HOT by now, as he's saying/singing, "OOOOOHHHH LAAAAAAAWWWWD-A-HA! WHEN YOU AIN'T GETTING ANY ASS-A-HA!, YOU COME ON DOWN-A-HA TO FRANK'S TAKIN' IT UP THE ASS TABERNACLE-A-HA, WHERE WE HAVE THE LARGEST SELECTION OF BEER AND PONE-A-HA!…IN THE GREATER PHILADELPHIA AREA-CAN I GIT' A WITNESS-A-HA!"

The congregation claps loudly and Naomi waves her hands in the air and bows her head, saying, "PREACH ON, PASTOR FRANK, PREACH ON!"

The pastor continues, "—AND HERE WE HAVE OUT NEWEST MAGAZINE-A-HAH! ANAL ASIANS-A-HAH…'DEY RUV YA' RONG TIME-A-HAH!"

THEN he starts repeating "rong time" in different keys as the organ is still playing in between breaks, "RONG TIME, rong TIME, AH SAY RONG time-AH, RONG time-AH…"

Molly and Cameron just look at each other and Cameron, who ALSO knows where the chapel is, waves Molly on to follow her. Just so you know, Molly is a quick learner and now she talks better slang then "urban" people (lol).

Molly, who NOW has learned to talk very loudly—especially in MOVIE THEATERS, sucks her teeth and asks, "GIIIIIRRRRRRL, WHERE 'DIS CHAPEL AT? 'DAT PREACHER IN THERE GOT THIS JOINT JUMPIN' GIIIIIIRRRRRL! MY BABY DADDY GON' LUH'DIS JOINT!"

Yep, you heard right folks, Molly all of a sudden has a "baby daddy"—she was "awarded" one by Cameron and Naomi when she officially learned how to speak in the "urban tongue".

Anyway…

Cameron replies, "OH YEAH, HE **DO** GOT 'DIS PLACE BUMPIN', F'REAL THOUGH! C'MON, THE CHAPEL'S 'DIS WAY."

* * *

><p>So they head for the chapel, as well…Buut, just as they're heading for the chapel, Kharma and Aksana enter the…Tabernac—oh, YOU get it, geez.<p>

Aksana has never been exposed to a "typical" black church service before and she walks in the building covering her ears. She hears the pastor still preaching/singing, "—AND I WANNA' TELL YA-A-HA…GAWD IS GOOD-A-HA, GOOOD IZ' GOOOD-A-HA—WHEN MY CABLE GOT CUT OFF-A-HA, HE ALLOWED ME TO RUN CABLE FROM NEXT DOOR-A-HA! WHEN MY WIFE'S HAIR WAS NAPPY-A-HA! HE GAVE ME S-CURL TO GIVE TO HER-A-HA…WHEN THE MAN AT WORK BREATH WAS STINKIN', HE GAVE ME AN ALTOID TO GIVE TO HIM-A-HA! CAN I GI'T AN AAAAAMEN?-A-HA!"

The congregation, already jumping around and clapping, all yell "AMEN!"

Aksana asks Kharma, "WHY IS PREACHER SO LOUD?"

Kharma is smiling, thinking of back home, where HER preacher sounded a lot like this guy-(no, it's not him, he just SOUNDS like him).

Kharma is getting into the "sermon" a bit as the preacher continues, "—OH YEAH-A-HA! THAT'S RIGHT-A-HA! MAN CANNOT LIVE BY PORN ALONE-A-HA! HE HAS TO HAVE BEER TOO-A-HA! FOR WITHOUT BEER-A-HA, THERE WON'T BE ANY UGLY PEOPLE ON THE EARTH-A-HA…I SAY-AH, WITHOUT BEER, THERE WON'T BE ANY HEADLINES ON THE 6 O'CLOCK NEWS-A-HA…I SAAAAAAYYYY—WITHOUT BEER AND PONE, THEY WON'T BE ANY NEED TO HAVE LOTION—EXCEPT FOR THOSE-A-HA-WHOSE SKIN IS REALLY THAT DAMN ASHY—CAN I GIT' A WITNESS?"

Just then, the organist starts playing the music really fast as the "spirit" starts to take over in the room. The preacher starts dancing and singing/yelling/repeating—on beat with the fast music as the congregation clapped and danced in the background-, "BEEER AND PONE-AH…BEEER AND PONE-AH…BEEER AND PONE-AH…"

Kharma looks over at Aksana to try and get her to come along, but Aksana's gone!

Kharma looks around quickly and asks, "WHERE AKSANA BE AT, ME WANT COOKIE!"

Just then, Kharma looks up to see Aksana in the "sanctuary dancing and jumping around with the other "congregation" members. It appears that Aksana has caught the "spirit". Aksana is in the middle of the sanctuary TWERKING while playing a tambourine as "pastor" Frank yells out, 'PRAISE GAWD! THIS YOUNG LADY-AH-HA..ONLY GAAAWWWD, BEER AND PONE, CAN GIVE THAT YOUNG LADY-A-HA, THE JOY SHE HAS RIGHT NOOOWWW—Y'AAAAAALLLLLL DON'T HEAR ME!"

The suddenly, out of nowhere, the pastor, sweating profusely—looking like Labron James in the 4th quarter, wipes his head with a handkerchief and says, in a more normal tone, "—the doors-ah…of the chu'ch…are open. MIGHT there be one t'DAY?)

Just then, Aksana raises her arms and yells out—_YES, in her COOKIE-MONSTER voice—in case you haven't been following_, "WHOOOOOOO…BEER AND THE-THE POOOORRRRN!

Kharma smiles and shakes her head, she wonders aloud, "NOW WHERE AKSANA GET TAMBO'RINE?"

However, as she's thinking, she DOES manage to catch a glimpse of the Bellas running/dancing out of the sanctuary. They caught the "spirit" on the way out and were doing the two-step all the way out of the…place in rhythm to the organ and drums—she started toward them to try and block them, but couldn't get there fast enough. So, she runs over and snatches Aksana up and runs, dragging her to the chapel.

* * *

><p>Ok, I'm gonna' cut it off there for today. Hope you enjoyed the service! Lol, I'll catch you all next time—same Warrior time, same Warrior place, same Warrior channel!<p> 


	12. Planned Breakups, Gravy Boats, and You

_**A/N—here we are yet AGAIN for more of this silly shit. Lol,thanks for coming back—you LIKE me, you REALLY LIKE me! Hahahaha-Ahh…I love you fuckers. Ok, let's meet up with Nat and JoJo, as they're trying to make good time back to Hershey, PA…**_

* * *

><p>JoJo asks, "Hey Nat, you ever been in, like, a really shitty relationship and, like actually PLANNED EXACTLY how your breakup would go?"<p>

Natalya shakes her head and replies, "No, I haven't. But, I HAVE been in some pretty shitty relationships, though—I like to call them 'relationSHITS', actually."

Jojo laughed slightly and answered, "So, you DO know what I'm saying, then?" Ok, well, personally, when I'm in a crappy relationship, I like to go all out and PLAN my breakup. I like to envision just how it would feel to just…just…CRUSH this person, you know, crush his SOUL."

Nat smiles a little and shakes her head and Jo continues, "Yeah, I like to take something trivial, like…like something he wouldn't think I'd remember, like—back on our first date—and THIS shit actually happened—I asked him what his middle name was, right? I mean, it's not like I actually GAVE a shit what it was, but it seemed like a polite thing to do, right?"

Nat nods, smiling as Jo goes on, "Ok well, he told me and I remember that he DIDN'T ASK ME FOR MY MIDDLE NAME! AND I REMEMBERED THAT SHIT, TOO!"

Natalya laughs and says, "You're nuts, girl. What else?"

JoJo says, "Ok, well…one evening, I decide to start execution of my plan, right? I call him up and ask him to come over to watch some movies with me. Before he comes, though, I moved some orange construction comes in a side-section of the street and this was where I planned on having our breakup fght—MY neighborhood has a lot of drug dealers around and they like creeping by in their cars. I didn't want fucking TRAFFIC interrupting my moment."

Nat replies, "Yeah, go on…"

"Ok, well, I have this ALL planned out—I plan on RUNNING out of my house and into the area between my two cones-and that's what I did, too! HE followed me out asking me 'what's wrong, baby? Tell me what's wrong'! Then I tried to start up some tears but I couldn't so I turned around and plucked a nose hair so that it'd make, like, my tears seem natural. But anyway, he's all like, 'Awww, what's wrong, baby?'

Jo keeps going as Natalya is smiling and shaking her head, "fortunately, I decided to wear heavy eyeliner just so that, when I cried, it ran and it'd give me that white-trash look on a drunken bowling night, or something. So, I'm crying and he's whining and I finally reply, 'It-it's like you don't really UNDERSTAND me—this isn't working out!'

Nat asks, "Ok and what's HE like?"

JoJo replies, "Oh, he's all confused and shit and answers, 'Baby? What do you MEAN I don't understand you? You know ME and I know YOU!'"

JoJo grins evilly and says to Natalya, "Ok THIS is where I laid the BOOM on his ass—I ask him, 'You REALLY know me? Then WHAT'S MY MIDDLE NAAAAAAME! MWAAAAHAHAHAHAAAAA!"

Nat cracks up in laughter. She says, "Ah Jo, you're a smooth MESS, girl! I love it! But, your right—we women—we don't forget SHIT that he's done wrong. We ALL hold onto that shit until we can use it against him in pretty much any way we see fit! GOD, I love being a woman…most times."

* * *

><p><strong>Ok, we'll leave them go on their way and we'll join up with the Bellas who are also making a bee-line for Hershey…<strong>

Brie asks, "That…PASTOR guy back there was a trip, wasn't he?"

Nikki smiles and answers, "Yo, he be tryin' t'git us t'join his church, do you remember that old show 'Star Search'?"

Brie smiles and says, "I don't think I could ever join a traditional black church—I don't think I'd fit in. I mean, where are the altar boys and why do they have, like, a fuckin' LIVE BAND up on that…STAGE thingie?"

Nikki corrects her, "Yo, it's called a pulpit. If your forehead has a zit, up close it looks like a nipple on a tit.

Brie says, "Ok, sorry..a PULPIT—I just like to call it a 'stage thingie'. But anyway, why do the blacks always have to-to be DANCING and jumping and shouting just because somebody stood up and said that they woke UP that morning—oh, I'm sorry—I MEANT to say, 'that MO'NIN!?"

Both girls just start laughing. Now, at this stage, Nikki's condition has gotten so bad that NOW she's even rhyming her laughs! She says, "AAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA…You know I can go for some cherry PAAH?! _(you know, like American southerners would pronounce the word "pie"—They pronounce it "PAAH"—you should hear it, sometime, shit's hilarious. Ok, time to keep it going before I lose any MORE readers, lol)_ Sis, that was good! You know Ice Cube had a jheri curl in that movie 'Boyz in da' Hood'?"

Just then, their wedding cake-car hiccups a bit! Brie, not in the LEAST bit edumacated about cars, sees a light come on and glances down at it. She furrows her brow and asks her sister, "Hey Nik, this red GRAVY boat light just lit up. Yeah, light here on the dash looks like a gravy boat. And it has like a drop of gravy at the tip—s'what it looks like, anyway."

Nikki glances over at the light, herself not knowing too much of anything about cars. She shrugs and answers, "Damn, I don't know what that means—WAIT—I THINK I might know! Oh mc Nikki had a farm-E-I-E-I-OHH!

Brie asks, "Ok, what does it mean?"

Nik answers, "It means that the car needs GRAVY! My motorboat rocks back and forth because the water's so wavy!"

Brie says, "I don't know, Nik, I've never heard of anyone putting GRAVY in a car."

Nik asks, "well, it HAS to mean that, the light icon is shaped like a GRAVY BOAT. If I had a horse, I'd give him an oat."

Brie hesitates and shrugs, saying, "Well, I guess it DOES make sense. may as well find a store, then—if the car needs gravy, it just needs gravy, I guess?"

* * *

><p><strong>Ok, we'll leave them be for now and join up with the "new" Molly and the Funkadactyls as they, too make their way back to Hershey…<strong>

Molly's in the ass-car licking her fingers, grunting, "MMMMM-MMMMM GIIIIRRRRRRLLLL! THOSE CHICKEN WINGS WAS 'DA BOMB!"

Just for anyone curious, the Funkadactyls have also changed Molly's looks—Molly now has cornrows in her hair—with gumball berets attached to the end of each, she has dark and heavy eyeliner on and waaaay too much rouge, lol. This chick looks a hot mess—she looks like she works at a Waffle House, or a ghetto Applebee's…or Popeye's Chicken-I'm not even going to LIE to you nice people.

Cameron answers, "SEE GIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRLLL—DAYUM, 'DAT WAS MY LONGEST 'GIRL', HA—ANYWAY, YOU CAN'T GO WRONG WITH POPEYE'S'S FRID CHICKEN AN-AN UM, BIS'KITS."

Naomi agrees, "YEAH GIIIIIIRRRRRRRL, MY BABY DADDY USE TA' **LUH** BRINGIN' HOME 'DAY BIS'KITS—'DAY BIS'KITS IS 'DA BOMB!

Molly replies, "SHEEEEEIIIT, Y'ALL KNOW MY DADDY DON'T BE LIKIN' ME HANGIN' AROUND THE GHETTO AN' SHIT. BUT THIS IS THE BOMB!"

Cameron corrects her, "NO, NO—YOU **S'POSED** T'SAY 'BUT IT'S DA' BOMB, NOT 'IT IS THE BOMB'."

Molly covers her mouth in apology. She says, "AWW, MA' FAULT, YO'."

Naomi smiles and says, "IT'S OK, GIIIIIRRRRRRRRL, YOU LEARNIN'. WE GOT YOU, YO."

Cameron thinks for a little and says, "HEY MOLLY, WHAT'CHU LIKE DOIN' FOR FUN?"

Molly answers, "WELL, SINCE I AIN'T MET MY BABY DADDY YET, I USED TO LIKE READIN' DA' BIBLE AND ATTENDING SUNDAY SKOO'."

Cameron answers, "OH GIIIIIRRRRL, YO' BABY DADDY THAT WE FOUND FO' YO' ASS—YOU GON' LUH HIM, GIIIIIRRRRRRLLLL! HE CLASSY AN' SHIT—HE BE DRINKIN' HIS 40-OUNCES OUT OF CHAMPAGNE GLASSES. OH, AND HE GOTS A PONYTAIL AND ER'THANG. SO WHEN YOU MEET YO' BABY WE PICKED OUT FOR YOU, YOU **KNOW** YO' ASS SHOULD KEEP HIM!"

Naomi nods and says, 'OH 'DAT'S RIGHT GIIIIRRRRRRL, ER'BODY BE WANTIN' A BABY BY A DUDE WIT' A PONYTAIL AND GREEN EYES. I WANTS MY BABY TO STAND **OUT** IN DA' NURS'RY."

Molly smiles and nods in understanding as they make their way down the road.

* * *

><p><strong>So, of course, now we have to join up with the "twin Cookie Monsters", Aksana and Kharma, as they make their way back to Hershey…<strong>

Kharma's driving along the street and she stops at a traffic light. Just around the corner, she hears the sound of glass being shattered. She and Aksana look over to the right and see, of ALL people—TRISH muh'fucking STRATUS running out of a jewelry store with some pearl necklaces in her hand and police sirens blaring in the background as she's outrunning the jewelry store owner, who's fat, bald, and out-of-shape.

The owner yells, "HEY, COME BACK HERE, YOU LI'L BITCH! SOMEONE STOP HER, SHE STOLE MY SHIT!"

This one lady tries to play the Good Samaritan and steps in to try and block Trish, but receives nothing but a running chick-kick to the temple for her troubles. The people around gasp in disbelief as Trish is running as fast as she can down the stretch. For all intents and purposes, she has an angry look on her face as if she was Carl Lewis running in the Olympics, or something. She's running so hard that she's pounding her chest as she runs. It just so happens that she runs around the corner and she makes momentary eye contact with Kharma and Aksana and decides to do a running jump into their vehicle!

She ducks down and can hear voices outside _"…I think she went THIS way! You take THAT direction! C'mon!"_

She smiles to herself, panting,and sweating as she can hear the fast patter of running on the concrete outside. Kharma and Aksana just look at each other and then at Trish, who just innocently asks, "What?"

Ok then, I'll leave it here for this time. You knew I was gonna' do that shit, didn't you,? Lol!

_**A/N—To understand the Trish part better, read "Grapefruits 4". You'll understand it a LOT better, hehehe. Tamina and AJ are doing just fine. They stopped off to get something to eat and Tamina suspects that someone may have spat in her salad because she had to send it back 3 times and there's a strange wetness on her lettuce-it's the kind that, when you separate the leaves, it doesn't drip, but it forms a thin "string" of liquid-apparently Jorge up at the counter didn't understand what "no croutons" meant.**_

* * *

><p>...ah well, See you next time—same Warrior time, same Warrior place, same Warrior channel!<p> 


	13. Emotional Scars and Dirty Tricks

_**A/N—Ok, here we go yet AGAIN, lol. Now, I don't normally update during the week, but I HAD to tTHIS time, lol. Ok, let's get to this-Last we left off, Trish did a running-jump into Aksana and Kharma's…um…vehicle. So, we'll just…join THEM, I guess…**_

* * *

><p>Trish innocently asks, "What? What'd I do?"<p>

Both Kharma and Aksana hesitate for a moment and suddenly start excitedly yelling over each other—AT Trish!

";SERGJEPROGM EPRJEROPIGHEQRNGOLNEF';VLGJON'PER;KL'LQKHNR'POGK EBL…AND FURTHERMORE-WHYYYY SDFLPVIKNEOFINFV;'EOILGHAE;/RLAERN—IN KHARMA CAR, ANYWAY?"

Trish closes her eyes and raises her hands saying, "Whoa whoa whoa WHOA!…hahaha….FIRST off, I didn't understand a DAMN thing either ONE of you said, second—It's cool, it'll be cool—I just need somewhere to lay low, and third—why in the FUCK do you BOTH sound like…fuckin' COOKIE MONSTER?"

Kharma speaks up first, "We on beer and porn run for WWE Women's tag championship! Kharma and Aksana on way back to Hershey, PA."

Trish scratches her chin and raises an eyebrow. She asks, "So—the brain-trust at WWE FINALLY decided to resurrect the old Women's tag belts, huh?"

Aksana nods and Trish just smirks and says, "…hmmm, ladies, I THINK we can work together, here. Hahahaaaa! Just trust me, juuuuust trust me."

Ust then, Trish thinks and suddenly says, "Oh hey, by the way—would either of you be interested in buying a pearl necklace? I just brought them today, so they're in PRISTINE condition!"

Aksana asks, "UM, DIDN'T TRISH JUST STEAL BEADS?"

Trish's eyes dart back and forth quickly as she shakes her head, "No, that wasn't ME stealing back there, that was my…um, my uhhh…evil twin sister, TrishA."

Kharma looks at Aksana with a look of uncertainty and asks, "TRISHA?"

Trish smoothly continues, without hesitation, "Of COURSE! All her life, she's been in and out of foster homes and-and she-she **CONSTANTLY** LIES, cheats, and STEALS!"

Aksana innocently asks, "OH WOW, AKSANA FEEL BAD, NOW. ME SORRY, TRISH."

Trish fakes like she's crying and sobs, "Ohhh…how AWFUL—we TRIED to do the best we could for her, but she just got worse. She's had numerous boyfriends—most of which are in jail. Yeah, and she's had so many abortions, she can't LEGALLY even HAVE another one!"

Just then, a tear streams down Kharma's cheek.

As she thinks about losing HER child during pregnancy a couple years ago.

Trish gently rubs Kharma's back and says, "Look, I understand the pain that you're going through. It hurts, I know. EVERY DAY, I have to live with the pain of never having nieces or nephews all because my…no-good SISTER decided not to have them. But, If I may—the way to cheer yourself up is to TREAT yourself to something nice—like a PEARL NECKLACE—no, not the type your boyfriend always wants to give you, but the type that you buy at the jeweler's! Like these babies—I'll give them to you for $1000!"

Aksana replies, "HMM..AKSANA DOESN'T Know—"

Trish hurriedly says, "Ok, 900?"

"UM…WELL, UH—"

"800!"

"LET KHARMA THINK ABOUT—"

Trish then says, "Ok, Kharma, think about how, if your child was alive today—God rest his soul—he'd want you to HAVE these beads,…simply because he LOVES you. He loves you…mom."

Kharma, eyes watering up again, relents and says, "OK…OK…KHARMA BUY, KHARMA BUY!"

Trish smiles brightly as Kharma hands over the money. Trish gives her the beads and, with a sincere expression on her face, says, "Kharma, it's gonna' be ok, now. Your little baby would've wanted you to be happy. You did the right thing and you no longer have to hurt about it…mmkaaaay?"

Kharma takes a McDonald's napkin out of her glove compartment and dabs her eyes for a few moments.

After a few moments, Trish speaks up, "Ok girls, shouldn't we get this shit to MrMcMahon?"

Kharma and Aksana look at each other and just shrug as Kharma pulls off on down the road.

* * *

><p><strong>Ok, we'll leave that scene and join up with Tamina and AJ...<strong>

Tamina asks, "Hey AJ, how's that new relationship going?"

AJ rolls her eyes and answers, "Girl, I'm pissed at him and I think I'm going to break it off. In fact, I think this dude might even be married."

Tamina furrows her brow and asks, "Wha? MARRIED? What gives?"

Aj answers, "Well, there are, like, little clues all over the place, it seems. Like last week, when I went to his place—now, I don't know if this was a mistake—but he had a picture hanging up on the wall with him in a tuxedo, hugging a woman in a dress. It looked kind of old, so I was thinking—'ok COULD be an ex-wife'—you know what I mean? Ok the other NIGHT, I was over his house and he DID tell me that he had two little kids, so I'm cool with that. What BOTHERED me, however is what the kids TOLD me."

Tamina asks, "Well, what'd they say?"

AJ replies, "You know I don't like KIDS, anyway—But those two li'l…DEMON-spawn asked me, "Why do you keep coming by here when our mommy is gone? My daddy and mommy are gonna' get back together!"

Tamina gasps in disbelief as AJ continues "YEAH—EXACTLY! Right? Ok, so right now I'm REALLY pissed off—like, I don't play the 'side chick' for ANYBODY, ok?

So, I smile…and I give these kids a little dose of reality—something that their DADDY obviously lacks. I tell them, 'Well, if your mommy's pussy was any good, then I wouldn't be here. Do, do your mommy a favor and try to get her to take better care of her vajayjay while me and your daddy fuck tonight, mmkaaay children?"

Tamina, wide-eyed, just shakes her head in utter shock and disbelief of what just came out of AJ's mouth.

Tamina asks, "Ummmm…yeah—don't you think you went a little too far? Those are just KIDS!"

AJ curls her upper lip and saucily replies, "Well, maybe NOW, their FATHER will get his SHIT together! Get the KIDS involved—then the parents will usually shape the fuck up!"

* * *

><p><strong>So, we'll let them drive on and meet up with Natalya and JoJo, who, don't forget, are in a genie lamp-car sitting on top of a championship title. They've come to a stop at a traffic light and just then, Molly and the Funkadactyls pull up beside them at the same light!<strong>

Natalya is smiling and then glances over to her left and sees the ever-familiar ass-car (no, not NASCAR, but ass-car) of the Funkadactlys and her smile disappears because now she knows she has some competition.

Molly asks, "OOOH-OOOH…LOK, 'DAT'S DAT WHITE GIRL, NATALYA!"

Just then, Cameron gets a sinister idea. She asks, "HEY GIIIIIRRRRRRLLL, HOW 'BOUT'CHU GO OVER AND RUB 'DEY CAR?"

Molly asks, "WHYY…GIIIIRRRRRRRRLLLL?"

Cameron answers, "B'CAUSE—WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU RUB A GENIE LAMP 3 TIMES? A GENIE POPS OUT—THINK ABOUT IT!"

Just then, Molly, Cameron, and Naomi all look at each other and just burst out in laughter.

Meanwhile, Natalya's wondering just how LONG this light IS and is also wondering what they're all laughing at in the Funcadactyls' car.

Nat asks, "I wonder what's so damn funny over there."

Just then, Molly ducks down and quickly hurries over to the rear of Nat's car. She rubs the lamp 3 times and then, inside of the car, Natalya and JoJo start turning into a sparkly, purple mist. Nat realizes what's happening and knows she can't fight it, either. "SHIT, I KNEW someone would try that shit!"

Just before she "mists" out of her car, she pounds the dashboard violently. She and JoJo appear out on the sidewalk in wrestling gear and their heads wrapped in a towel with a ruby in the middle of the forehead.

The light turns green and the Butt-mobile takes off furiously and all Nat and JoJo can do is wait the necessary 3 minutes to be able to get back in the…ahem, CAR.

JoJo turns to Nat and asks, "You just HAD to bring your car, didn't you? I asked you to have us take MINE, but nooooo—you just HAD to have your way!"

Natalya answers, "Oh get REAL, Jo—your CAR is a 2014 Ford NOTHING—you can see clear through it—that shit's DANEROUS out on the road—at least THIS is just a 3-minute wait to get back IN! God KNOWS it's much better than a potential accident because of someone not seeing your car and only seeing US flying around about 6 inches off of the ground in the seated position. So, c'mon, we gotta' catch up!"

JoJo rolls her eyes and they both climb back in the lamp and take off down the road.

* * *

><p><strong>Meanwhile, the Bellas are at the local grocery store, and they just purchased a can of gravy to put into their car. A man putting away his groceries notices that the Bellas are trying to pour a can of gravy in the engine. He hurries over and stops them before they can start…<strong>

"Excuse me, miss? Don't do that!"

Brie stops and looks up. She asks, "I beg your pardon?"

With a southern drawl, the man answers, "Hey, uh…I'm a mechanic. I own a garage down the road spiece. Are you trying to pour GRAVY in your car?"

Brie furrows her brow and answers the man seriously, "Yes, there's a light that came on in my car and the light icon looks like a gravy boat, so I knew we had to get gravy."

The man smiles and chuckles to himself a little. He asks, "May I see your keys?"

Nikkie and Brie look at each other, unsure of whether or not to trust this guy. The man asks, "C'mon, I'm not gonna' do nothin'—I just need to see which light is on, since you say it looks like a gravy boat. That way, I'd know how to help you better."

So Brie shrugs and hands the man her keys. He climbs up the side of their wedding cake-car and steps on the pedal, with opens the top tier like a flip-can lid. He climbs in and starts the car up. He shuts the car off and climbs out, laughing.

Nikki asks, "ey yo, what's so funny? This Easter I got a visit from the Easter bunny."

The man replies, "Ok, haha…I see what you're talking about, ma'am. That light isn't for GRAVY, it's the oil light. When it comes on, it means that you have low OIL, not GRAVY, hahaha. Look, I'll give you some of MY oil, free of charge."

Brie smiles and says, "OH, thank you, sir!"

The man replies, "Ah, no problem."

So the man pours the oil in the car and the Bellas climb in and start it up. The man says, "You know, had you kept driving, your car would've stopped, and you MAY have been in the middle of nowhere. Just, remember to take care of the regular maintenance of a vehicle—even if it IS a…wedding cake sittin' on top of what LOOKS to be a fake pregnancy test, of some sort. Ah well, hahaha…take care!"

As they pull off, Nikki yells back, "THANKS AGAIN! I KILLED ALL THOSE PEOPLE BECAUSE I NEEDED A FRIEEEEENNNNND!"

* * *

><p><strong>AN-Ok, I'm going to leave it there for this time around. I wonder, can Kharma and Aksana REALLY trust Trish? Did AJ's talk with her beau's kids REALLY give them a dose of reality, or did it screw them up a little? Finally, is Brie going to stop thinking that the coolant temperature light looks like a sailboat?**

* * *

><p>These and all other questions will be answered (or not, likely not) next time you tune in—same Warrior time, same Warrior place, same Warrior channel!<p> 


	14. Incidents, Arguments, and Accidents

_**A/N—okay okay, I'm getting ready to wrap this thing up, now. I mean, really, they just had to go from Hershey to Philly and back—in real life, the trip shouldn't take more than 2-3 hours. And, that's why this is the shortest "Grapefruits" adventure. So, anyway, let's join up with Molly and the Funkadactyls, as they're closing in on the Giant Centre in Hershey, PA…**_

* * *

><p>Naomi mentions, "UM, UM, EXCUSE ME GIIIIIIRRRRRRL—HOW WE S'POSED TA' BE TAG CHAMPS IF THEY THREE OF US?"<p>

Cameron agrees, "YEAH, GIIIIIIRRRRRRRL, I AIN'T NEVER HEARD OF NO THREE-PERSON TAG CHAMPS!"

Molly rolls her eyes and says, "WELL GIIIIRRRRRL, I INVITED MY DADDY OUT TO SEE US WIN THE CHAMPIONSHIPS, HE GON' LUH' US AS CHAMPIONS! BESIDES, VINCE'LL THINK OF SOME'FIN!"

Naomi smiles and says, "OOOOH—GRL, YO' ENLISH IS GITTIN' BETTER AND BETTER…GIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRLLL!"

The other girls just says "DAYUM" in unison as Naomi catches her breath.

Naomi, panting and wheezing, says, "DAYUM, I AIN'T NEVA' SAID A 'GIIIRL' 'DAT DAMN LONG BE'FO. I NEEDS TA' CATCH MA' BREFF!"

Just then, Molly reaches in back of her tights and pulls a plate of chicken wings from out of her ass. Cameron sees this and her eyes light up in excitement. She asks,  
>"OOOH—YOU GOT ANY BIS'KITS, CHIIIIIILLLLD?"<p>

Molly smiles and nods, "YEAH GIIIIRRRRRL, 'DAT POPEYES BACK 'DERE HOOKED A SISTA' UP!"

Naomi replies, "YEAH GIIIIRRRRRRRRRL, MY ONE BABY DADDY, HE BE WORKIN' AT A POPEYE'S AND 'DEM MUH'FUCKERS DON'T BE GIVIN' AWAY BIS'KITS ALL LIKE 'DAT!"

Cameron nods in agreement, saying, "YEAH GIIIIRRRRRRL, 'DEY DID HOOK YOU UP! WHAT? 'CHU THINK BIS'KITS GROW ON TREES? THESE IS BIS'KITS! B-I-S…UM, SKITS!"

Suddenly, Molly notices the Giant center just off of the next exit. She says, "OOOH—'DAT'S DA' PLACE, YA'LL! WE GOTS TA' KEEP 'DIS THANG ROLLIN', HERE!"

* * *

><p><strong>Ok, so we'll move on and join Aksana, Trish, and Kharma. As they're ALSO closing in on the destination. Hmm…Trish seems to be telling Kharma something…<strong>

Trish says, "…so, yeah, totally—you GOTTA' get a better car—I mean, only fat chicks would drive a REFRIGERATOR between two slices of bread like YOU have! Ye GODS, why is it so...so...FAT in here? And what's with that Cookie Monster voice you two have going on? I just don't GET that shit. I know it HAS to fuck up your sex lives!"

Kharma waves her finger at Trish, saying, "HEY, KHARMA HAD ABOUT ENOUGH OF TRISH!"

Trish turns to Aksana and mumbles, "Hell, I bet she wouldn't be saying that if I came with fries and a medium DRINK!"

Kharma overhears it and, with a look of shock and disappointment, replies, "HEY, KHRMA HEARD THAT! HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT TO KHARMA FACE!"

Trish peacefully raises her hands and simply replies, "Hey, hey now—easy…easy…Now, I WOULD'VE said it behind your back, but my car's only got half a tank of GAS!"

Almost immediately, Kharma pulls the car over. Trish is looking around incredulously. She asks, "Hey, what the fuck are you doing? We're gonna' LOSE!"

At that moment, Kharma grabs Trish by the ankles with ONE HAND and flings her out of the window as if she were a frisbee.

Trish goes somersaulting over the thicket of trees in the distance and can be heard screaming, "AAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGHH! I'LL GET YOU BOTH—MAAAAAARK MYYYYY WOORRRRRRRRRDDS!"

Kharma and Aksana just look at each other and smile.

Aksana says, "OK, NOW THAT TRISH GONE, IT JUST KHARMA AND AKSANA—THE GREATEST WOMEN TAG CHAMPS OF ALL TIMES!"

Kharma answers, "INDEED, ME WANT TITLE, ME WANT COOKIE! LET'S GO, LET'S GO!"

* * *

><p><strong>Ok, so we'll leave them be and join up with Natalya and JoJo, as they're ALSO closing in on the Giant Centre…<strong>

JoJo asks, "Hey Nat, what do you want to do as your first move of POWER as ONE-HALF of the acting women's tag-team champs?"

Nat shrugs and replies, "Well, I thought I'd end world hunger, maybe donate my breasts out so that children all around the world can drink from them—no, I'm just kidding, haha! What I'd REALLY do is deodorize the WWE women's locker room. I'm SURE you've noticed the smell! You can't POSSIBLY tell me you haven't!"

JoJo agrees, saying, "Oh, yes the FUCK I have! Vickie Guerrero-Why is it that she always SMELLS like…that?"

Natalya smiles, trying not to laugh, just agrees, "Yeah, I know what you're talking about—last week, she was just coming OUT of the bathroom, and I was going INTO the bathroom—she had the ENTIRE bathroom smelling like a fucked-up mixture of…of…fuckin' enchilada seasoning and pussy! And I'm not talkin' the REGULAR pussy scent, I'm talking that one smell some women get—you know?"

JoJo laughs a bit and answers, "Yeah, I know the one—it smells SORT of like a urinal and ass at the same time?"

Nat nods and says, "EXACTLY!" Yeah, I believe they call that 'wolf-pussy'!"

Jo adds, "Yeah-and it's ESPECIALLY potent when she decides to wear that damn PERFUME she always insists on wearing-what's it called? Oh yeah-it's called 'Opium'! Nat, did you know she likes to go around making LIGHT of the whole thing?"

Nat furrows her brow and asks, "Wha-WHAT? Well WHY? Do you mean to tell me that she KNOWS she SMELLS like that?"

Jo smiles and says, "YES! she DOES know! THAT'S the fucked-up thing about it-she combines the two and has the nerve to name the smell 'PUSSIUM'-like a combination of pussy and opium, or something like that!"

Both girls start laughing a bit and then Nat suddenly starts howling, "HOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW Hahahaaaa!"

She pounds her steering wheel in laughter and JoJo shakes her head, saying, "Nat you're TOTALLY right—NO man would be brave enough to eat THAT burger!, hahahahaaa!"

* * *

><p><strong>So, the girls drive on and we'll join up with the Bellas, who happen to also be nearby…<strong>

Nikki sees the Giant Centre and mentions, "Yo, Brie, the Giant Centre's over that way, a strawberry martini with pineapple juice is not only very fruity, it's GAY!"

Brie answers, "Yep, we're almost home free! Just a mile or so, now! Yessss, yesss…a mile or so until we make HISTORY!"

Nikki adds, "Yeah, we' gon' make history! I would've crashed, but I missed the TREE!"

Just then, they see AJ and Tamina's car pass them OUTRIGHT…

Brie says, "HEEEEY…they're cheating! We gotta' catch them!"

Nikki furrows her brow and answers, "Yo, WE gots' ta' hur'up…when I drink my 40, I like to drink it from a CUP!"

**_Meanwhile…_**

Aj turns to Tamina and asks, "Ugh…see that? I don't BELIEVE those…those…Bella WHORES cut us OFF like that! Tamina, DO something!"

Tamina smirks and says, "Hehe…watch THIS shit!"

Tamin sees a flatbed on the side of the road and looks in her rear-view mirror at the Bellas. She takes her foot off of the accelerator and slows up.

AJ asks, "What are you DOING, they're gonna' PASS us!"

Tamina, never taking her eyes off of the road just smiles and says, "No they're not—watch THIS shit, here! Hehehehe!"

Just as the Bellas start to pull up beside tamina, Tamina gradually crowds them over to the shoulder of the road where the flatbed truck is unloading some cargo. The flatbed is on a diagonal as the driver is out directing his crew on how to unload the cargo…

"OKAY, OKAY—YOU TOW, JUST UNHOOK AND SLIIIIDE THE BOXES OWN…EASY! I DON'T WANT ANY FUCKUPS LIKE LAST TIME, GOT IT?!"

The workers reply, "YOU GOT IT, BOSS!"

At that moment, Tamina starts going the same speed as the Bellas and gradually moving INTO their lane on the highway. Brie is wondering what's going on—not even noticing the flatbed cargo truck on the side of the road.

Brie asks, "What the HELL are they THINKING? This is OUR lane, they can't just move OVER here—What the? AAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGH! SHIIIIT!"

Because Brie didn't have her eyes on the road, the Bellas' car just ran up the back of the flatbed truck and is now airborne! It looked like something straight out of that show "_The Dukes of Hazzard_".

As the Bellas are in midair, they can see Tamina's car pass them underneath. Nikki yells out, "YOU WON'T GET AWAAAAAAYYYYY WIIIIIIIIITH THIIIIIISSSSS! SOMEONE TELL ME WHERE DANNY GLOVER IS, I WANNA' GIVE HIM A KIIIIIIISSSSS!"

AJ looks turns around just as the Bellas' cake-car lands in a thicket of bushes. She and Tamina high-five each other and speed up toward the Giant Centre.

The Bellas' car comes to a rest and appears to be "floating" on top of some bushes. Brie takes a deep sigh and asks, "Ok, Nik, could you help me SHAKE our car out of these bushes?"

Nikki shrugs and shakes her head, saying, "Yo, this is WACK, when I buy cigarettes, I like to smoke the whole PACK!"

Brie, exasperated just replies, "Oh for god's sake—just…shut up, Nik, and HELP me, here!"

So, the Bellas just hop out and start trying to shake the shrubbery so that their "car" can fall back down to the ground.

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN-Ok, I'll end it there for tonight! Hope you're enjoying this because the next chapter will be the last. See you next time—Same Warrior time, same Warrior place, same Warrior channel!**_


	15. New Champs and Interesting Revelations

_**A/N—YAAAY, I'm back FUCKEEEERRRRRRRRRS! Sorry I was out so long, but I couldn't exactly help that shit—I was sick. But anywho, I'm well again but I'm still that SAME twisted muh'fuck you all knew before, lol! Ok, so we'll rejoin the team of Natalya and JoJo as they've come to a screeching halt in the parking lot, where, of COURSE, Nat's car is parked half-on and half-off of the sidewalk…**_

* * *

><p>Nat waves to JoJo, "Hurry, the other girls are GIANING on us!"<p>

Jo, trying to RUN in stilettos, answers, "I AM, I'm running as fast as I CAN!"

Nat sighs and replies, "See? THIS is what the fuck I'm TALKING about! Why would you wear STILETTOS to a RACE?"

Jo answers, "Well, son't fucking blame MEE! I was watching that show, '_What Not to Wear'_, and that gay dude said that stilettos work the BEST with jeans!"

Natalya answers, "Look, I ain't got TIME for that shit—we gotta' get a move on! The show starts in like an HOUR! Let's GO—MOVE your ass!"

* * *

><p>Ok, so as they're headed for the Giant center, so are the Funkadactyls and Molly…<p>

Molly says, "YO, I AIN'T NEVER SEEN NO PLACE SO KEPT UP UNDER WRAPS AS 'DIS JOINT!"

Cameron replies, "YEAH MA' NIGGA, YOU GOTS A' GIT' MOVIN!"

Molly, a bit taken aback, yet somehow HONORED, answers, "WHOA, YOU LIKE, CALLED ME YO' …**NIGGA**?

Cameron says, "Of COURSE, you silly bitch—of CO'SE you ma' nigga!"

Molly looks down incredulously and says, "OH WOOOOOW…I'VE NEER BEEN SOMEONE'S…**NIGGA'** BEFO'!

Naomi interjects, "Invite yo' cracka' ass daddy to tonight's show! We'll sho' his ass a GOOD time!"

* * *

><p>So, let's just say that all the girls (excluding the Bellas, of course) arrive at the Giant center in time for the opening bell. And, of course, we shall JOIN them! MUHAHAHAHAHAAAA!...<p>

Ok, I'll just summarize it, here…

_**A/N—If you've learned ANYTHING from the past 4 installments, you already KNOW that this is going to be some fucked-up shit, righ'chere!...**_

_**Here's the low-down…**_

Aksana checked her cellphone and just figured out how to get her email messages. That was when she realized that she got released about a half-month ago. So, she reaches in her tights and pulls out an AK-47 and thinks about a new storyline where she aims the gun at the administrative staff, thereby making her the PERFECT face alternative to "the Authority"—especially since viewers need someone sort of MENTALLY strange to counterbalance two of the _**strangest**_-looking people on the planet .

Trish sneaks her way into the building, runs down the aisle and STEALS the WWE heavyweight championship. While the match is going on, no one notices and later, Trish hocks the belt for a carton of Newports, a lottery icket, and a pack of gummy bears.

Later in the evening, Tamina and AJ run interference on a match between the Bellas (who are covered in cake frosting, for some reason, and Alicia Foxx, who's teaming up with surprise star—LITA!

Lita distracts AJ by challenging her to a contest of who can shove the largest object inside of themselves…(folks, we've been HERE before, lol).

AJ pulls out a carrot, celery, and a head of cabbage and shoves them ALL into herself. Lita, a VETERAN at this shit, pulls out a BARSTOOL. She hops on top of it and just sinks down as the ENTIRE STOOL is being swallowed into her!

…the audience chooses Lita by a landslide. 3 guys asked for her phone number. She gave it to them and, just by CALLING her, they all got Gonorrhea that NIGHT…gyaat DAYUM!

...Summer Rae slept with someone's husband in the middle of the ring as the show cut to a commercial for anti-gonnorrheal medication.

When the show returns, The authority,-mainly HHH-invented a title called the WWE DIVAS' TWERKING Championship. The Divas had to each come out and twerk to HHH's entrance theme.

Well, Molly and the Funkadactlys wound up winning as Molly's racist daddy was in tears in the front row after watching his daughter, his baby girl, popping her booty in front of the whole nation. Molly thought he was proud of her because he was crying, but he just sniffled and asked her "WHY, WHY WHY—WHY HAS MY DAUGHTER FORSAKEN ME?! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, ANYWAY—MILEY FUCKING CYRUS?! WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR LOVELY FLAT BOTTOM? YOU NOW HAVE A FAT ASS, BIG, GREASY LIPS FROM EATING FRIED CHICKEN AND DRINKING MALT LIQUOR...AND-AND…RHYTHM, AND A-A- BABY DADDYYYYY, WAAAAAAAA!"

That's when Molly just sucked her teeth, put her hands on her hips and asked, "HEY DADDY, I NEED YOU TO TAKE ME TO THE CHECK-CASHING PLACE."

Her father just breaks down crying, pounding the floor.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Ok, lemme' quit teasing you fuckers, already—the winners of the contest were…<strong>_

Meanwhile, in Vince's makeshift "office", he's picking up some trash—mainly empty peanut butter cup wrappers and pistachio husks, he cheerfully sings, "WHOOOOAAAAH—OH MC MAHON HAD A FARM, MICK M-A-H-O-N…AND ON THIS FARM HE HAD NO WIFE—MICK M-A-H-O-N…WITH A NO WIFE HERE, AND A-KO KIDS THERE- ANNND A…HOOKER COMING OVER ON SATURDAY NIGHT-A PIZZA, A BEER, AND SOME BIG TITS THERE—OHHH MCMAHON HAD A FARM, MICK M-A-H-O-NNNN!"

Linda, who's wearing nothing but a string bikini and, of course matching stilettos, suddenly and seductively walks in and says, "Um…Vince, I think your WINNERS are here!"

Vince stops jerking off and angrily says, "DAMNIT, my GRAPEFRUITS—how DARE you interrupt my weekly wanking! And PUT some CLOTHES on, damn you!"

Linda rolls her eyes and replies, "Look, whatever…I just wanted those young ladies to see what a REAL woman looks like—you 'lose 3-quarter of a billion in 1 quarter' JACKASS—it's because of YOUR horseshit that I have to get my Depends on SALE! Anyway, THESE are your WINNERS!"

Linda gestures toward the door as the two ladies walk in.

Vince turns holding his erect, lotion-coated penis, smiling, and says, "Well ladies, I guess you've done it—you're the FIRST ladies tag champs in years—how does it feel?"

The first lady smiles while holding an AK 47, pointed at Vince, and answers, "OH IT FEELS GREAT!"

Vince just gasps and raises his hands in the air slowly.

The first lady, smiling, just calmly says, "UM HOW ABOUT CONTRACT RENEGOTIATION MEESTER VINCENT?"

Vince gulps hard, as if he's trying to swallow peanut butter, and replies, "Ummm…uh…what-whatever you want ladies, my WWE is YOUR WWE! Ahehehe…heh. That—that, uh, was a good performance you put on out there, uh…ummm…what's your name again?"

"IT'S AKSANA!"

"OH-OH…OF COURSE, I KNEW THAT, Aksana! I-I-was just kidding! Lets', uh…let's work something oout, eh?"

Aksana grimaces and demands, "PULL UP YOUR PANTSZENFRRACHEN!"

Vince almost stumbles over, hurriedly pulling his pants up.

The second lady smiles, too. She says, "OH MY GOD MR. MCMAHON IS GOOD PERSON AND HE CARE FOR ME LOTS! COOKIE, COOKIE, COOKIE!"

So You know who won, then. Kharma turns to Aksana and asks, "SO, AKSANA HAPPY TO BE TAG CHAMP WITH KHARMA?"

Aksana replies, "OHHH…KHARMA, AKSANA KNOW SHE WAS FURED AND SHE BOUGHT GUN TO WWE OFFICES AND THEY AGREED TO GIVE AKSANA HER JOB BACK! AKSANA SAY IT GOOD FOR RATING! MORE AKSANA, LESS…UM…EVEYBODY ELSENFRRRITCHEN!"

Kharma replies, "VERY WELL SPOKEN, MY STUDENT! SOON YOU LEARN TO TALK LIKE KHARMA—SHE-SHE LEARN FROM DIKEMBE MOTUMBO! AND HE EXCELLENT SPEAKER OF DE-DE-DE' ENGLISH!

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN-So, another one ends and is in the history books. Needless to say, Aksana and Kharma SQUASHED the authority in a title defense. Aksana was "mysteriously" booked to pin HHH cleanly while using her new finisher—a forearm to the lower back. What can I say? HHH just couldn't kick out of it and Kharma was sitting on top of Stephanie in one of the turnbuckle corners. **_

_**Anyway, it's the end. For some, hope you enjoyed, for others, GLAD you enjoyed, and for those few others, still, who don't get or LIKE my style of humor—it's cool. Can't win 'em all, huh? Ah well...**_

_**Oh, and by the way—I KNOW that Kharma lost a lot of weight and is looking good nowadays. But I just felt that "fat" Kharma would be a better fit for my story, s'all.**_

_**So, as Mick Foley would say—"HAVE A NICE DAY!"**_


End file.
